Just Me Here.

I've been off for awhile. Blogging here and there, when I can get a few words out. I'm alright right now. Really I am. When everything is stripped away. It's just me and God. I'm learning to lean on him through all this. It's not easy. I fail at it, most of the time. But as I said. I'm still learning. I'm very thankful for all the people who are still supporting me through all this and showing their true colors. When hard times hit, you find out who your friends are. It's going to be a long while before I'm back on my feet. I have to find a job, house, life… It's not going to be easy. At all. But "Faith makes all things possible, not easy"

Caryl, thank you so much. You being there for me is more then I can say for most people.

Screaming

I don't really want to talk about it. 

But will...

I had to drop out of school because of the concussions. 

I had to give up my job. 

My mother hates me for my life choices. 

Those being, following God.

I'm currently homeless. 

Everything in life has fallen apart this last month.

My world is still spinning. 

If you know how to stop it, please do. 

There is so much more. 

But I'm a mess 

I'm stopping here. 

Caryl, I'm here. 

I "get" It, even If I don't remember what "it" is. 

Maybe I will use that number tomorrow. 

I think we both need it. 

Pieces

I'm in pieces right now.

Not even alright enough to write about it. 

Caryl, gotcha. I will. When I have more then a minute to talk.

Or can stay awake that long.

Good time?

You Better Sit Down

I have ANOTHER concussion. Feel on the ice. This one is 10x worse.(Almost exactly 2 weeks apart. about 30 MINUTES off)  I also cracked a rib. But oh my. There is so much to tell. I hope you  guys are still out there. I know I've been very bad at blogging! I'm sorry.

Falling

I wrecked my car Monday night.

I'm really not doing well right now.

Okay, physically.

Not mentally.

Far too long.

It's been far too long since I came here to gather my thoughts. But then again, it's been far too long since I've had thoughts I wanted to share. But tonight. I feel I need to. It's no longer about being comfortable in my skin(like I was before?). It has to be about healing. Healing that sucks. It'll hurt worse before it gets better is a huge understatement.

 

PTSD does not have a cure. Just as I will always have the countless scars on my body, and the uncertainty of new Drs, I will always have PTSD. Though, that doesn't mean PTSD will always have me. At some point it will become a part of me and no longer be me. Though at this time that point seems afar off. There is still hope. I can't see it right now. But I know it has to be there. Because, I believe in the God that can do anything. He holds me close, even in times like now when I can't feel him.

 

I'm (surprise) not very good at talking. I would much rather keep all my oh-so-often morbid thoughts to myself. I'm, by nature, a very pessimistic person. You see the glass as half full, I see the stain it's going to leave when you spill it. Okay, maybe a change in my point of view might help. I try I really do.

 

Okay, so if you are lost I understand. This is an out-of-the-blue post. Seems to be the trend with me of late. I apologize for that. I'm trying I really am. I'm taking a Holocaust History class. To get my mind in a happier place. Morbid. Yeah very. I suppose This is the new me. Can we all please just accept it and move along? No, I didn't think so.

 

My Munchkin

 I was there for his birth. 

 For those first few days of sleepiness. 

 Give him all the kisses I can!

 Soak up the smiles

 Snuggle him often

And help him to fly. 

The newest little addition just turned 3 months Christmas Eve. He is an amazing baby. SO good and calm. Loves to be help, but will sit contently by himself. He has just started giggling, it's pure joy. 

My little Munchkin is so very sweet. I love him to pieces.