Do You Realize?

Do you realize that everything you say, everything you do, will impact someone's life? The smallest comment you don't even remember making could hurt someone deeper than you could know. On the flip side of that, you might not realize what you said gave someone that push they needed to keep going.

I'm not doing so great. Plain and simple. In fact. I think I'm lower than rock bottom right now. Life has thrown me a curve ball, and I'm not handling it. I can put a smile on my face and say "I'm fine". That doesn't make me fine though. It doesn't make me not hurt. It doesn't make life any easier. It doesn't make this pit any less dark. I spend a lot of my energy holding myself together. Not letting anyone in. Especially the people closest to me.

I'm a really lucky person. I know this. Even more so now. I have some women in my life who are determined to help me back up. They won't take no for an answer. Instead of condemning me for how I feel. Instead of writing it off. Acting as though it's my fault. They aren't giving useless advice and walking away. They are saying "Hey I know you're in a pit. And I know how you feel. I'm here and I'm gonna help you back out. Let me hold your hand through this. Let me in let me help. I will come to you and lead you back out."
And that is more than I could have ever asked for or deserved.

Dirt.

If your goal was to make me feel like dirt, you succeeded. Not that it really take all that much to do so. Did you seriously have to though? I think I had enough going on as it was. Didn't need that. Nonetheless that is the way life works. At least for me. It seems when I'm struggling and can barely keep my chin up that's when everyone thinks they need to add their two cents to the mix. Which usually isn't very nice. I am perfectly capable of making myself feel like dirt. I don't need help. Thank you. 


My allergies have been horrible this last week. Making my asthma even worse. So I'm miserable. Breathing should not be this hard or painful. 


I'm in a mood. Not a good one. And I need to get out of it.