Monday, September 26, 2011

Settle for a Slow Down

I never seem to be able to think of the "right" words to post lately, so I choose to not post at all. I have so much going on right now in my life. But, most of it I can't share on here. No, I can share is on here. I just won't because then it becomes part of the mess that is controlling my life right now. Some of you know what is going on. Some of you don't. 
Rebekah, call me! Or text. I'm always afraid you will be in class, or getting ready for class, or sleeping!
Know that right now in my life I'm facing something that is extremely hard for me. Once I get the final results. I will post more about it. But until then please just pray. 

I've been bad about always being on the move lately. When I take the time to slow down I seem to be more emotional. So I just go go go go go. Which isn't good for me either. Friday, I had so much to do. Clean, pack, bake pies, go to the bank, all while nannying. My nephew who is 2 had come over for the day to play with my Z-Man(the little guy I nanny) and it was nap time. He wouldn't lay down unless I laid with him. At first I was rather annoyed by this, after all I had work to do. But all at once it hit me as I was holding the sleeping child, that moment was all that mattered. He isn't gonna be little forever. It wasn't more important for me to do all that stuff than for me to hold him. I needed it. He needed it. After our nap we were both much happier. Because those are the moments that really matter. His beautiful sleeping face. Kissing his little forehead. Holding his little hand. That is all that mattered. I got all my stuff done later that day and everything turned back into fast pace soon after the nap. But for those moments time passed slowly. It gave me the chance to soak it all in. It was bittersweet. 

My Z-Man has started looking at me and saying "Abby, I love you when you come back". It just melts my heart. I'm gone most weekends, doing church stuff so by Monday we are both very happy to see each other.

I'm off to the land of Lilliput.... If anyone can name the book I'm reading by that statement I'll give you 500 points!  

Saturday, September 10, 2011


My name is Gabby. The same Gabby I have been since birth. Part of me may have changed. But really, I'm still me. In the last few months I have found something. SOmething that has made me feel like nothing ever has. A peace inside of me that is unchangeable. I've really found Jesus. I feel like I've touched God deeper than I ever did in my old Church. I know I'm where I'm supposed to be. But a lot of people have disowned me for the change. Hmm them or Jesus. I choose Jesus. Sorry. But it still hurts.

I can't imagine where I would be right now had I not become apart of the Apostolic Pentecostal Church. It save my life. People there saved me life. Jesus saved my life. I know that is where I'm supposed to be and I'm tired of being attacked for it. I'm tired of being a victim to everyones gossip. I'm not perfect I make all kinds of mistakes. But hey, so do you. "Don't judge my poo".- Courtney Morgan.

I want to get back into the habit of blogging. But until the issue is over there is so much I can't share. But I need this connection. SO If you are still out there would you please let me know. And maybe offer up some ideas on what I could write about? I can blabber like no other. But I need to know someone is listening. That someone on here still cares. I'm sorry I dodged out for so long. But it is what I needed. I could no longer spread myself out on here and hope to be picked up. I had to be in the real world and let someone pick me up. ANd to my surprise people responded. SO now let me go through some of these people.

Debi has always been around. Well at least through all of this. I know she plans to stick around and I love her for that. For her willingness to go beyond my one word answers and engage me in figuring out my feelings instead of avoiding them. I love her to pieces.

Then there is Teal. OH Teal. We are connected at the heart and the hip. We do everything together. If we have a problem we work it out. I now when she needs me with out her saying a word. I need her. She is more than a friend or a sister to me. It's like I was only half a person and she is the rest. She is the best friend anyone could ever ask for.

Then there is Em. SHe keep me going. We always are laugh about something. We have a lot of sometimes inappropriate fun. But it's sometimes harmless jokes that keep us going.... I love that she understands more of me than most people because she has been there. I don't know what I would do with out her.

Then there is Glenna aka "Mom" Since my mom has bailed out in a lot of aspects of my life. Glenna hass taken over. I have a hard time when it comes to needing mom not calling her. I feel like my mom doesn't understand or care about a lot of thing in my life. And Glenna has become the mom of that part. My problem is she has her own kids. and we all know I'm a lot to handle. I'm a burden. I know it. SO I hold back a lot from her. From everyone. Just because, I don't want them to feel anything different about me. I don't want their perspectives to change. I love being able to talk to her when I can. It changes me whole day no matter what I talk about. She calms me down. We just had that instant bond. I am forever grateful to her.  I love her so very much. I need her. I couldn't do this with out her.

Well, now you have part of my life again. It's going up and up. sometimes it goes over bumps that are hard to make it through. With the help of Jesus and the above mentioned people. I always get over.

I plan to be back soon. But I always say that. SO instead I will just say, Until next time. And please leave me a comment so I know you are still there. :)