Tuesday, April 27, 2010

..... Crazy night!

Hey followers! It's been crazy here. I've been pretty sick. Lots of pain. But had two days where I was able to eat, that was an improvement before going back to everything tasting awful. I'm on 800mg Ibprofen during the day and tramadol at night and still having pain. I missed my first class tonight because of it, and would have skipped the second if I didn't have to do a presentation. SO I went, got an A on the presentation, so it was worth the being uncomfortable for a couple hours. Still not doing great at math. But only a couple more weeks and it will be over. Doing well in Psych and Computers makes up for it though. :)

Had a couple awful experiences the last couple days:
Saturday I was at work, when I felt something bite my leg. I freak out saying something just bit me. Everyone I was working with was like whatever you're crazy. I went in the bathroom took off my pants, this little spider falls out!!! Oh goodness did have have a freak out!!! Tore the rrest of my clothes off and shook them out. Took about 10minutes for me to pull myself together enough to go back to working. It was AWFUL!!!

Then tonight, I get home from school. Eat a grilled cheese(because it's national grilled cheese month!!!). Sit down to have so much needed computer time. Wookie starts barking in the kitchen, mom says maybe he needs to go out. I get up get my shoes on get his leash on and open the back door someone runs out of our little yard and around the fence I can see their feet on the other side of the fence. I run back inside and lock the door. Shut the blinds. Tell mom. She calls the police. They come and talk and then go out to search the area. Still are now I think. I'm still shaken up. Doubt I'll be able to sleep tonight. The policeman said he thinks it was probably just teenagers messing around. But I still have an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. I hate that someone was watching through the window, probably as I made my sandwich and soup. I hate the feeling that I've been violated. I hate that my puppy is being confused because I'm not spanking him for pottying in the house because I'm too afraid to take him outside. I really hate it!!!

I have Pleurisy again. On top of all the other pain I experience of a daily basis, it hurts to breathe. It puts me in a worse mood then usual. But still not a horrid mood. Mainly because I'm trying to remain positive before I completely crash again. It's not easy. Many things have come up this week that have had me in tears. But I'm still fighting. Because, there is a dim light at the end of this tunnel. Any light, even dim, is better then this darkness.

SO what do you think of my new signature? I would still love for someone to make me a button... I have no clue how to even begin something like that!!! So if anyone has some free time and would like to... I would love it!!!! It took probably a half hour searching google to get that simple signature. So If you can make a cuter, more girlie one... That'd make my day/month/year.

So I don't have any kids. Surprised? You shouldn't be.... Well unless this is the first time you've read my blog... In which case... Surprise... But for those of you who have followed for any amount of time would know that I'm young, single, and not even sure that it's possible. But I do have a puppy, his name is Wookie. He is sweet, and crazy. SO I was thinking, for all us puppy-parents, I would start a Weekly/monthly bloggy thingy "Things You Shouldn't Have to Say to Your Dog"! What do you think??? Would you contribute? If you don't want to, that's cool, but come by and read my funnies!!!

Okay, well I'm ending this post here. Even though I probably won't sleep... But whatever. I'm tired of hearing me think of what to type. Yeah okay, lets go with that!!!

Thursday, April 22, 2010


So, life... Well it's been there... I'm still working... Doing college... Taking care of my beautiful puppy... The things that keep me going... Not that I'm not able to get going because I don't feel it's worth it. That's not it. I so feel that life has many wonders for me. I now have the key to unlock them. But having a zest for life, it doesn't take away the nightmares. The nightmares, well naturally make me not want to sleep, well not really not wanting to sleep, afraid to sleep. Not a lot of sleep, well makes it hard to do anything. I do do what I need to. Like school work. I sometimes go to work. Actually haven't called in in weeks. So that's good. I'm going to start working more. God and I have big plans. I need to be ready. Also, I can't tell you my health is fine. It's still stable I guess. But is declining still. Now on top of the pain and nausea, I have no desire for food. Not that I'm not hungry. Not that I wouldn't like to eat. Food just tastes. AH DISGUSTING!!! Really. I took a bite of the most wonderful looking steak, I gagged. Who does that? Really? It's steak. A little piece of heaven here on earth. I gagged. Ate no more of it. Yesterday, I ate a fruit snack and a few chips. The day before, half a bagel. Ah it's so frustrating. I was just starting to have a good relationship with food again. Not that I didn't love it. My body didn't want it. Wouldn't take it. I had to retrain. Seriously. Like from an infant. I started with liquids and moved up from there. It wasn't an easy road. I don't want to do it again. But if that's what it takes, I will.

Now I will head to bed and pray for a peaceful nights sleep.... *Ga5bby

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

In the Dark.

"Baby loves to dance in the dark, 'cause when he''s looking she falls apart"

I'm late for "Not Me Monday" but I'm gonna post a few anyway.

I was not me in the tanning bed when the power outage happened today. I did not freak out because it was pitch black and I was naked. I did not think about opening the door a bit to let light in so I could find my clothes.

I did not stay up past 3am play a fighting game with my sister on the xbox. We were not slicing people in half and laughing hysterically at each other. I didn't happen to say something as stupid as "my girl won't stop all I'm doing is holding down the move button...?" Not me I'm way better at video game then that.

While we were in of sleep deprived craze my sister did not say something about her eyeball being on replay.... I did not pause the game I die laughing before telling her the song says IPOD on replay. We did not argue about it for the next 30+ minutes. No we are way above petty things like arguing over words to songs.

My puppy did not throw up in my bed the next morning and before I could get up he did not proceed to eat it. This scene did not happen 3 time before I was able to get to it.

I did not encourage my 3yo nephew to name his bottom. That would be weird and could cause psychological damage. I would NEVER do that.

I will try to get a post up after school tonight! About what I've been up to... We'll see though. *Ga5bby

Wednesday, April 7, 2010


I don't want to write this. It hurts. Bad. But I know you all are probably wondering where I've been the last few days.... Not here... Troy got home Friday, I'd love to say that we had a wonderful reunion. But I can't. There has been no reunion. He wouldn't see me. Then he changed his facebook picture to him with another girl. All this after a long conversation Wednesday when we "decided" to pursue a relationship. I was head over hills for him. Oh how I longed for that first kiss, to hold his hand again, to see his face. Oh how my heart is breaking into pieces. This pain is normal. I get that. But it's miserable.

"And we know it's never simple never easy, never a clean break no one here to save me. You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand. And I can't breathe without you, but I have to."

:( *Ga5bby

Monday, April 5, 2010

Friday, April 2, 2010

I want you to want me. (no call, no show)

Boy do I feel put in my place... I thought I was more then just a girl he enjoyed talking to. But I have been proven wrong. He got into town about 4pm. Texted me to say he was in town. I said when can I come see you. He said... Not tonight... WHAT?!?!?!? I wasn't asking to take him away and spend time alone. Just five minutes to say hello and hug him. But I guess I'm not even worth that. I'm just a girl.

Grr. The "Easter Bunny" comes in the morning. SO the whole family came over and did eggs. It was hard to pretend to be happy when inside Troy is killing me.

I don't have much more to say. Goodnight. *Ga5bby

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Buttery Yum Goodness

So my FAVORITE hot drink lately is Hot buttered rum. Without the rum. So I call it buttery yum goodness. It's wonderful.

1lb butter
1 1/2 -2 cups brown sugar
1 1/2-2 cups white sugar
3/4 carton vanilla ice cream

Melt the butter over medium heat. Add both sugars. Stir well and remove for heat. Stir in ice cream. Put in freezer. When ready to serve just add the mix to HOT water to taste. I do one big spoonful.

If you are on a diet. I would not suggest this. It is straight fat! But oh is it delish! It's what's keeping my weight up right now.

I am what they call grumpy. I don't even want to be around me. It could be due to the fact that I spent 6+ straight hours doing algebra today. Or that I still have to write most of my Computers paper. Or that I still have probably 12+ more hours of math homework to do by Tuesday. And I have to work Sat-Mon. Or it could be that I can hardly swallow and have sores in my mouth. Or that the stupid stomach pain is back. Maybe it's because Troy is coming home tomorrow and I can't kiss him.

But, I have all the same things to BE happy about. I am blessed to live in a country where I can get an education. I am lucky that I am able to learn. I am privileged to have a job, when so many fellow americans are out of work. I am lucky that my current mouth issues are nothing serious. I am BEYOND BLESSED that Troy came HOME from the war as so many hero's haven't. *Ga5bby