Thursday, April 22, 2010


So, life... Well it's been there... I'm still working... Doing college... Taking care of my beautiful puppy... The things that keep me going... Not that I'm not able to get going because I don't feel it's worth it. That's not it. I so feel that life has many wonders for me. I now have the key to unlock them. But having a zest for life, it doesn't take away the nightmares. The nightmares, well naturally make me not want to sleep, well not really not wanting to sleep, afraid to sleep. Not a lot of sleep, well makes it hard to do anything. I do do what I need to. Like school work. I sometimes go to work. Actually haven't called in in weeks. So that's good. I'm going to start working more. God and I have big plans. I need to be ready. Also, I can't tell you my health is fine. It's still stable I guess. But is declining still. Now on top of the pain and nausea, I have no desire for food. Not that I'm not hungry. Not that I wouldn't like to eat. Food just tastes. AH DISGUSTING!!! Really. I took a bite of the most wonderful looking steak, I gagged. Who does that? Really? It's steak. A little piece of heaven here on earth. I gagged. Ate no more of it. Yesterday, I ate a fruit snack and a few chips. The day before, half a bagel. Ah it's so frustrating. I was just starting to have a good relationship with food again. Not that I didn't love it. My body didn't want it. Wouldn't take it. I had to retrain. Seriously. Like from an infant. I started with liquids and moved up from there. It wasn't an easy road. I don't want to do it again. But if that's what it takes, I will.

Now I will head to bed and pray for a peaceful nights sleep.... *Ga5bby

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