Really..?

So, life... Well it's been there... I'm still working... Doing college... Taking care of my beautiful puppy... The things that keep me going... Not that I'm not able to get going because I don't feel it's worth it. That's not it. I so feel that life has many wonders for me. I now have the key to unlock them. But having a zest for life, it doesn't take away the nightmares. The nightmares, well naturally make me not want to sleep, well not really not wanting to sleep, afraid to sleep. Not a lot of sleep, well makes it hard to do anything. I do do what I need to. Like school work. I sometimes go to work. Actually haven't called in in weeks. So that's good. I'm going to start working more. God and I have big plans. I need to be ready. Also, I can't tell you my health is fine. It's still stable I guess. But is declining still. Now on top of the pain and nausea, I have no desire for food. Not that I'm not hungry. Not that I wouldn't like to eat. Food just tastes. AH DISGUSTING!!! Really. I took a bite of the most wonderful looking steak, I gagged. Who does that? Really? It's steak. A little piece of heaven here on earth. I gagged. Ate no more of it. Yesterday, I ate a fruit snack and a few chips. The day before, half a bagel. Ah it's so frustrating. I was just starting to have a good relationship with food again. Not that I didn't love it. My body didn't want it. Wouldn't take it. I had to retrain. Seriously. Like from an infant. I started with liquids and moved up from there. It wasn't an easy road. I don't want to do it again. But if that's what it takes, I will.

Now I will head to bed and pray for a peaceful nights sleep.... *Ga5bby