Thursday, July 28, 2011


I'm scared. 
I know it's in Gods hands, He has it all under control. 
But at the same time, I can't see the future and this unknown scares me. 
I don't want to go to physical therapy today, or the concussion clinic tomorrow. 
I don't want to hear what they have to tell me. 
Yesterday really has me anxious. I couldn't move my mirrors in my car. I couldn't remember my shoes. It's not okay. It scares me. 
 I was doing none stop talking outside church last night and it lasted until 2 am. I couldn't stop. I couldn't filter it. My mouth was just moving. Teal didn't even have to respond, I just kept talking. 
I don;t want her to be gone back to Evanston. I tried to get her to stay. I need her right now. I need to not be alone. I'm scared and I need her. I need you. I need someone to tell me it's gonna be fine, even though it probably won't. I need to know that even if I have brain damage, even if I have to wear a helmet and be the most cautious person ever for the rest of my life to keep my brain alive, that everyone's not gonna jump ship. I need some certainty in all these unknowns. I know that makes no sense.I need to know that If I'm like this for the rest of my life that I'm still gonna be loved. 

Friday, July 22, 2011

Just another day.

Hello, I'm still in beautiful CA. We toured the Navy Base yesterday. My Cousin is n the Navy so that made it easy! The ships are huge! This is the fishing dock. It made me smile! Not really sure why, but it did

So I have a story to share. The other day at the pool this old man came just a few minutes before we left. He got in the pool. His body visibly worn with age. He started going back and forth. It took him rough 5 minutes to go one way. But, he still did it. He didn't give up because it was hard. Or because he wasn't as fast as someone younger. He did it. He worked as hard as he could. I think sometimes we give up too easily. We take to heart what other people think of us and go with the flow. While it matters to a certain point what others think of us, all that really matters in the end is what go thinks of us. Are we pleasing Him with our actions or just doing something to please the human race. Or both?

Just something on my mind.

Well, plans here keep changing and we didn't make it to the zoo today. Hopefully tomorrow!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Back Again Already!

                 Back again. Live from my cousins couch in San Diego! As I said earlier I really love it here. I don't think I could ever live in a city like this. But I would definitely love to visit as often as possible. :) We spent yesterday at the pool. I got my first sunburn of the year. I think I mentioned that earlier though.

I think I broke my wrist last week. Well, just fractured it. I didn't go to the ER mainly because I don't like hospitals. I've been icing it like crazy. HAd it wrapped and in a sling for a few days. the swelling has pretty much gone away. SOmetimes at night my hand will still be swollen and as long as I don't put weight on it or use it too much it's fine. So maybe I can just let it heal without a cast. Yeah, please don't knock me out of my pretend world just yet.

We are headed to the zoo tomorrow and I am so excited! It's gonna be awesome! I'll take pictures... Maybe...

Well I don't want to put a bad twist on this post so the rest must be saved for another time!


What I've Been Up To!

I'm in California! Visiting my cousin. I've never been here before and I'm loving it. The weather is perfect! I'm sunburnt! I love sunburns (Please no comments on sun cancer)
I will try to do a real post later. I just wanted to update and say I'm still kicking! Maybe after all the "stuff" is over in my life I can get back to posting everything regularly. Ah. This too shall pass.

I love the Ocean. Like really really love it. This was my first time to see it, feel it, experience it. It was amazing. It's so big. I'm so small. It really was just awesome. I can't wait to go back! I'm gonna go soak up some more of this perfect weather! More later....