Thursday, July 28, 2011


I'm scared. 
I know it's in Gods hands, He has it all under control. 
But at the same time, I can't see the future and this unknown scares me. 
I don't want to go to physical therapy today, or the concussion clinic tomorrow. 
I don't want to hear what they have to tell me. 
Yesterday really has me anxious. I couldn't move my mirrors in my car. I couldn't remember my shoes. It's not okay. It scares me. 
 I was doing none stop talking outside church last night and it lasted until 2 am. I couldn't stop. I couldn't filter it. My mouth was just moving. Teal didn't even have to respond, I just kept talking. 
I don;t want her to be gone back to Evanston. I tried to get her to stay. I need her right now. I need to not be alone. I'm scared and I need her. I need you. I need someone to tell me it's gonna be fine, even though it probably won't. I need to know that even if I have brain damage, even if I have to wear a helmet and be the most cautious person ever for the rest of my life to keep my brain alive, that everyone's not gonna jump ship. I need some certainty in all these unknowns. I know that makes no sense.I need to know that If I'm like this for the rest of my life that I'm still gonna be loved. 

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