Monday, December 26, 2011

Lets Pretend.

Lets pretend for a little bit that I don't feel completely violated, that I don't feel like I'm the one at fault. That I'm okay. And while we are pretending that. Why don't we also pretend that I had any Christmas spirit at all. Lets pretend that my family likes me. Lets pretend that yesterday wasn't a complete disaster. We can pretend that I'm doing just fine. I'm not completely torn apart on the inside. We can pretend all the comments don't hurt. Why don't we, while we're at it pretend that I care at all... 
What we don't have to pretend is that everything will be fine. That one of these days all the stuff that's stressing me out will be over. We don't have to pretend that there are people that love me for me. They aren't asking me to be someone else. We don't have to pretend that I have found Jesus and my relationship with Him is so amazing and I would never trade it for the world. 

But, sometimes I get tired of pretending and at that point I don't know what to do. Because it's not me to fall apart in front of anyone else. I don't ask for mental support from anyone. I don't often cry in front of anyone. I mean very, very rare of me. So for me to stop pretending is a big deal. I'm known for my smile. No matter what is going on on the inside, I smile. Because I never want anyone to hurt because of me or for me again. I think I've caused enough of that in my lifetime already.

I know. I know. Not a very Christmassy post. But, it's what's on my heart and you really don't want to hear about the day I had yesterday. I got amazing gifts. But, that has nothing to do with Christmas. I do not support it. I am not Peagan. I'm not going to get into it all right now. But, if you are interested research the true origins of Christmas. It's scary stuff people. Scary stuff. 

Well. :) I hope you all had a good weekend and if I'm not back before the New Year have a happy New Year as well! 

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