Not today....

Its been a very long day here at PCMC, didn't sleep well last night, had a horrible reaction to the antibiotic, its called red mans, I so bad wanted to crawl out of my skin! The Doctor came in this morning and said we will probably be going home monday, but it really depends on the blood cultures. SInce I had such a reaction to the antibiotic last night I have to have benodryl a half hour before it everytime. That knocks me out for a couple of hours. Oh and this morning I wake up t my phone going off. It was my best friend, she has stage 2 cancer. They think they got it all though. Can I quit yet? I really don't want it to be my turn anymore. :(

Hospital

So I woke up this morning with an awful headache and no fever, so i took tylonel, within 20 minutes my temp went from 98.1 to 100.2. The home health nurse came to check me, and decided to call the Dr, she said to head to PCMC to have blood cultures so while we were getting ready for that my mom called my surgeons office and left a message. Within a couple minutes they called back and said to get down to the hospital plan on spending at least one night. SO here we are, sitting in room 3079. Thinking about ordering dinner. Depending on the infection will say if they pull the line tonight and how long we have to stay in the hospital, they will be putting a broviac line in and maybe an NJ tube. In the almost four weeks I've been on TPN I haven't gained any weight and barely maintained what I'm at. So I don't really know whats going to happen. I will post again later maybe. Gabby*

Possible infection!

So last night my PICC line started to look a bit icky, but this morning it's red and very icky and I have a slight fever. Not good! I have the first 2 tests for my GED tonight and if I miss I don't get to graduate. I'm also very tired. Which hasn't happened in awhile, normally I'm okay this time of day. So I might be getting the Broviac line sooner then later. Which would be okay because the PICC isn't allowing blood draws anymore. While needles don't bother me, I don't like them either. I bruise very easily, plus being on heprin, it just better if I don't get poked. So today I'm feeling a bit discouraged from it all, and missing my boyfriend. Thankyou for the sweet words! Gabby*

Broviac Line

Today was a long day. I had my first PT appointment this morning and my legs ache. The had to drive an hour to the doctor who agrees with the surgeons thought of putting a broviac line in my chest. Exciting right? Oh and my thumb and shoulder have been "getting stuck" its so painful! WHen it does hppen i have to use my other hand to move the joint. Its not fun! Since I'm high risk for a lot of different thing its not a good sign. I talked to my aunt and cousin for the first time in my LIFE this past weekend. It was very odd. I have a lot of family that I don't know because of my dad not being around. Well I need some ice to munch on. Gabby*

Not Me Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to http://www.mycharmingkids.net">her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week. I've decided to participate in Not Me MOnday for the first time so lets see if I can do it. While trying to get back to sleep after a middle of the night PICC line malfunction I most certainly did not see a 12in spider coming at my face and did not think it was real, fly out of bed only to hit my head while trying to turn on the light and did not realize it was only my imagination. I did NOT decide to not take my medicine just to see what would happen and did not feel absolutely miserable the next day, who in there right mind would do something like that. I did not give my two year old nephew candy for dinner because he wouldn't eat what I made, thats just silly he knows I'm the boss and never doesn't listen! Well thats all I have this week! Gabby*

The Bible verses are mis-quoted but other then that its a pretty good song.

Not okay.

People are always asking me how I am, and I always seem to reply with okay. I honestly was okay for awhile. But today I'm not okay. Tomorrow I probably will still not be okay. Maybe not for a long while. Not because God isn't good. Not because he hasn't blessed my life. Not because I don't have faith in Him. But because physically I seem to be going down hill, and mentally I'm a mess. It's not easy for anyone to be sick, but I sometimes wonder: is it from God or Satan? A child being born with a heart defect, or any other problem, is it a blessing from God or something he is allowing Satan to do? Me having these continueing problems from the quack dr, was it Gods will to make me a better person or satan being cruel? There is talk of putting a broviac line in instead of this picc line. How do feel about that? Like everytime I stand up from one of these problems I get kicked back down twice as hard. Some days I feel like just saying enough, why bother getting back on my feet, it's not worth it. I might not get to do anything this summer because of this line, I want to go to camp, to be normal, to meet my older sister, aunts and uncle for the first time. I want my last summer before being an adult to be wonderful. It can't be if I'm stuck in bed the whole time! I need everyone to understand what I'm going through, and they can't. I need my life to hold still for one seconds so I can breathe. I need people to stop leaving when I need them most. Where or who do you turn to when everyone that matters seems to have bailed? I'm at a total loss, I use to be the one to give advice now I need it. I just want me back. Please help.