Hospital

AHH. So I had my J tube removed on Tuesday the 17 and then the hole thing got infected man was it painful friday it was just getting worse so we went down to primarys and Dr.Downy admitted me to the hospital!!! What a fun way to spend the weekend:( It was Troys first day back in town and I end up in a different town in the hospital. Not great! SO I was put on Iv antibiotics and played the waiting game all weekend. They weren't sure if they needed to do surgery to remove the pocket of fluid or if it would resolve itself. So monday it was decided theey would put a pin rose drain in. So we went down to the RTU and they put me under and the put it in and slowly over the next week we were supposed to pull it out at home. Well this morning when the Resident came by to check on me he didn't realize the the tube was safety pinned the the gauze and when he lifted the gauze it pulled out the tube. I was asleep and when I woke up and noticed this hey called the surgeon but luckily The didn't have to put another one in we just have to pack gauze in to it which is grose and painful but we got to come home where as if I had to be put under again we woulld have had to stay another night. So now I feel like I'm getting a cold which isn't good. But my sister that lives with me found a house and the seller accepted the bid so they will be moving out soon, also she went to the dr yesterday and is dialated to a 3 so we could have a baby anytime now! I'm excited and glad to be home. *Gabby

Random thoughts.

1st off I wanted to say that I'm getting my tube removed tomorrow. Because of the type of tube it is they will have to put me under to do this. We have to be there at 11:30, they'll probably take me back about noon so please pray that all goes well. Hopefully before that we will have time to go up to the 3rd floor and see all the wonderful nurses. As happy as I am that I'm not in the hospital I still miss the nurses. Okay moving on. I've been kinda down lately, and I don't really know why. I usually can find some reason to be happy and while I can find these reasons I just can't make myself happy. In all honesty I just feel forgotten. At Church I was a big part of the youth group before I became sick. Now I often feel like there's no reaso for me to even be there. I'm no longer needed, and nobody really knows what to say to me... When in all reality I don't want to talk about all I've been through. Well no thats not true, I do want to talk about it, I just don't want to make anyone feel bad because hardly anyone was there for me. I don't know if that is what the problem is, that they feel sort of guilty that I almost died more then once and they didn't take the time to stop by. I know it hard for some people to go to hospitals, but I also know that I'd do anything for the people I love. Being in the hspital chnged me in so many ways that I don't feel like me anymore and if I'm not me where do I belong? I don't have most of my friends anymore, I don't have my place at Church, I don't have my place at home. Where do I have a place? I know this won't last forever and that God is always with me, and that it could be so much worse. But right now its hard for me, my life wasn't waiting for me to come back to it and I can't find it. I'm not the person to show a lot of emotion. Mainly because I don't want anyone to know me. But I'm to the point where I can't just keep it all inside anymore and there's no one here to listen. Thats the crappiest feeling, knowing that theres no one I can call with my problems but there's many people that expect me to listen to theirs. Everyone has there own hard times or trails in life and no ones is any lesser the next persons. And really I feel bad for feeling this way because there are people going through so much more things then me and they still smile. But I can't I just can't.

after and before

Long wait....

Its been a long couple of weeks! With my J tube telescoping, causing me to have these episodes where i get nauseous then as that goes away I get really light headed and if I happen to be standing when this happens I crash to the floor. AND kidney stones. It's very hard to be happy right now with all this going on. But I'm okay with it. i know I'll be happy again one day. On a happier note I'm aloud to eat cheese right now... Too bad I haven't found the joy in eating yet. My doctors are discusing putting me on an anti-depressent, I'm for it I guess. it should give me more energy, help me sleep and increase my appitite! That would be wonderful! Considering I don't have one right now. The only thing that sounds good is sushi... Well and mushrooms but they don't have calories so they do no good. I'm so ready for summer, I'm not at all an outdoorsie person but its like I'm craving to be outside. I would really love to be at the lake playing in the dirt. Last summer was spent in the hospital, well most of it here anyway... I went down to the pound a couple times but not enough. I was out of town for most of june and worked till I had surgery july 17. I'm actually starting to miss work. I'm hoping to start back the begining of april. But I want to work nights instead. We went shopping on saturday and finally found me a dress for the wedding. Its not as form fitting as i would like, it makes me look 5 years younger. But its cute. And the right color so it will do. I'm ready for all this wedding stuff to be over, luckily it will be saturday. I get to keep my two year old nephew for a few days after the wedding so my sis and her hubby can have a kinda hunnymoon. I say kinda because she is eight month pregnant and huge. But in a good way. I'm going to try to figure out how to post some pictures. Its amazing how much different i look just from Christmas. I was so skinny then, I know I'm no where near fat now but I feel big. Gaining 15lbs would make anyone feel fat. Gabby*