Monday, August 9, 2010


I'm stressed.
I'm supposed to be going to college in less then 3 weeks. 
Don't have a dorm yet.
Or my award letter from financial aid.
It's crap.
I didn't want to go in the first place.
But I agreed.
I've quit my job.
Dropped my classes.
Told everyone I was leaving.
Right now.
I don't see how it will be possible.
I don't have the money.
I could probably get a bunch of student loans.
But that just doesn't sound great.
Especially when I could have stayed here and done it for free.

I've had a crappy day.
It's my Besties 18th birthday. 
We were supposed to have a pudding fight.
Didn't happen.
Then I find out the I probably won't be having a off to college party.
Unless I throw it myself.
But really...
Why would I do that. 
J told me that she wasn't sure because of some issues.
So I lied.
I said my mom wanted to throw one.
Which really isn't a lie.
She does want to throw one.
But she doesn't have the money.
She didn't have the money to pay my dorm deposit.
No big deal.
I don't need one.

Why is this such a big deal to me?
Why do I care so much?
It's not like I'll be gone forever.
Or won't ever see these people.

As you can tell. 
I'm not exactly 
Or anywhere close really.
I want to cry.
I want to throw in the towel on this whole college thing.
Who cares about the future?
I just want to be DONE.

I have so much other stuff to blog about.
I just don't have the gunction.

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