Here.

I'm stressed.

I'm supposed to be going to college in less then 3 weeks. 

Don't have a dorm yet.

Or my award letter from financial aid.

It's crap.

I didn't want to go in the first place.

But I agreed.

Now.

I've quit my job.

Dropped my classes.

Told everyone I was leaving.

Yet.

Right now.

I don't see how it will be possible.

I don't have the money.

Yes.

I could probably get a bunch of student loans.

But that just doesn't sound great.

Especially when I could have stayed here and done it for free.

I've had a crappy day.

It's my Besties 18th birthday. 

We were supposed to have a pudding fight.

Didn't happen.

Then I find out the I probably won't be having a off to college party.

Unless I throw it myself.

But really...

Why would I do that. 

J told me that she wasn't sure because of some issues.

So I lied.

I said my mom wanted to throw one.

Which really isn't a lie.

She does want to throw one.

But she doesn't have the money.

Crap.

She didn't have the money to pay my dorm deposit.

No big deal.

I don't need one.

Right?

Crap.

Why is this such a big deal to me?

Why do I care so much?

It's not like I'll be gone forever.

Or won't ever see these people.

Well. 

As you can tell. 

I'm not exactly 

Fine,

Or anywhere close really.

I want to cry.

I want to throw in the towel on this whole college thing.

Who cares about the future?

I just want to be DONE.

I have so much other stuff to blog about.

I just don't have the gunction.

Sorry.