Sunday, November 7, 2010


SO I found out today that you can change anything you want about yourself… Well, really? Then what the heck am I still sick for? Why do I still have PTSD? I really wish someone would have been kind enough to inform me of this before now. Oh wait. They have. And guess what. It's a load of POO(Sorry for the vulgar language.)

That is the most insensitive thing you could ever say to a person. Seriously. "Just elect to be someone different, your pain really means nothing, being sick is in your head"

GRR. It makes me so angry I could scream.

Honestly. Why would you say something like that to anyone? To hurt them deeper? Do people get some sick thrill out of knowing how badly it hurts when they say that to me?

Well needless to say I'm having a rough night. I thought it would be good. I spent the weekend in Evanston. Just got back here an hour ago, the trip was good. Only cried half way instead of all the way. That's progress. I don't remember the last half of the trip. Just drove. My head is in space so much. It's crazy.

Okay. I have to get this out. Even if I don't want to.

I've lost weight. Not just a little weight. I've lost almost 20lbs. When a slender person loses 20lbs, well it's not good. When a chronically sick person loses 20lbs, well usually action is taken.

I don't want a feeding tube. Of any kind. Because seriously, they stink. Really. They smell bad. I especially do not want a PICC line. They are such a pain to deal with. Infection of any kind could kill me. Humph. That leaves NG or G tube. NG. Really. Does anyone want a tube in their nose?Just chilling there saying "Hey look at me". G tube means surgery. Small as it may be. Still surgery.

1 comment:

rabidbutterfly said...

I've had someone tell me the same thing, actually more than one person, and I believe it is an incredibly insensitive thing to say to someone who is suffering. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
Also, I'm sorry to hear you're having struggles with your weight...wish I had something to say or do to help you.
You know I'm also here for you as well.