Wednesday, November 17, 2010

When I say…

Ever wonder what I really mean when I say something?

Yeah didn't Figure you did. But thought I'd tell you anyhow.

When I say "I'm fine" I mean "I hurt like crazy, but am too afraid to admit it"

When I say "I'm good" I mean "I've finally masked the pain enough to only feel numb, which is good enough for now."

When I say "How are you?" I'm genuinely interested. For one moment my head might be on something other than the horrors it usually is.

When I say "I'm here" This is a time to worry, as I might not be for long.

When I say "I'm having a hard time" I mean "I can hardly hold myself together anymore, please help me"

When I say "I need to talk" I really do. Even if I seem alright, I'm not okay.

When I say "I'm hurting" it must be really bad, or I never would have said it.

When I smile, it kills me inside. I hate the mask I have to wear.


Okay, I'm having an epic failure of a week. I fell backwards in my chair yesterday and hurt horribly today. Can hardly breathe tonight. Or move really. It's mainly my ribs, lungs, neck that I hurt. Though the rest of me doesn't feel real great either.

1 comment:

alan said...

dont really expect you to take me up on it, but if you need someone to talk to im around