Okay. Confession time.
I really do love the taste of dirt. It really is because of my body lacking in some substance. Maybe not iron. That's just my guess.
My nephew dumped a bag of M&Ms down my shirt tonight. I just looked at him and didn't say a thing. Mainly because he is SO darn CUTE.
I can switch gears, emotionally, in seconds.
I cried today.
I thought I got all the M&Ms out, but one hid from me. Upon standing It moved down my shirt and I bout had a hard attack. Thought it was a spider.
My dog moved his tail. I was amazed for a minute. Until I realized it was a normal thing… Dogs wag their tails…
My hair is still falling out. The test results are not back. I decided I really do love my hair and am still not happy about this. But who would be?
In the last 2 hours I have. Vacuumed and shampooed the carpets. Cleaned and swept the bathroom. Done laundry. Taken a shower. And washed Wookies food and water bowls. It could be that I suddenly wanted to clean. Or that I had a 5 hour energy around 7pm and wasn't ready for bed. I'm seriously in L-O-V-E with those things. I get massive caffeine headaches. Drink half of one of those. Boom, I feel brand new. Within minutes!!
I started the Prolonged Exposure Therapy tonight. It was… Interesting. Very, hard. We will record all of the sessions so I can listen to them during the week. This made me feel slightly awkward. I know I'm the only one ever going to hear it. BUT Still. It was weird.
I've decided to post a lot of what I'm doing/feeling on here. To keep me accountable, and so I remember. If you have any questions ask way. I'll answer what I can.
Okay so every week I will have homework for this therapy. This week's is;
- Listen to recording 1x 1 day.
- Say or write Dr. O'Conner's name until my anxiety is below a 6. (You have no idea how hard it was to write that. Or to have it sit there where I can see it)
- Do lots of extra self care. (My list for this is short. I need to add to it also)
Okay. Truth: I'm emotionally fried. I take everything everyone says the wrong way. "Hey Gabby you sure look pretty" Me:"What was that tone, you think it's funny to tease me? I look awful so shut up and move along." Okay so maybe it hasn't gone quite like that anywhere but my head. But that's what I'm thinking.
My sister took some pictures of me with Little Liam. I look downright awful. I didn't realize how awful until seeing the pictures. My eyes are sunken in and my toothpick arms stick out. My collarbone looks like its ready to cut through my skin.
I talked to old Boyfriend the other night. He isn't old. He is my Ex. Not really sure why though. Oh yes, I remember. Because I'm psycho! That's the reason for everything. . . Really.
I really want a pepsi. But it happens to be almost 3am, I'm not wearing pants, or a bra. SO going anywhere is highly out of the question. I will just have to suffer till morning.
I L-O-V-E my mother with all my heart. But she is driving me bananas. She has conversations in her head. But doesn't realize it. SO you are expected to do what she's thinking, without knowing it. Drives me up the wall. But I cleaned the floors and a bundle of other things. She can really find the ground to be upset with me tomorrow. She will though. Though, I don't live her most of the time, so why I'm the one cleaning it is still a mystery.
Oh, my Grandma is coming for Thanksgiving. I couldn't be happier. She is the one who bought me Wookie. Yep. Not that she plays favorites or anything… She sends my siblings Birthday cards.
Okay, that was totally a joke. Sorta… She does dote on me a bit more than the other too-many-to-count grandchildren. But, I am the one who has been sick for years. SO no one, including me, seems to mind. And Wookie wasn't that much. Under $500.00. It's all good. (I'm being sarcastic here. In case you were wondering…)