Anytime

So many people have said they're here for me anytime I feel like talking. But talking, it's not really what I feel like doing. I know I need to talk. I know it would help me to talk. But still, I don't want to talk. I don't want to draw how I feel. OR write it. I don't want to watch sad movies and just let myself cry. I don't want to look to the future and try to find better days. I don't want to lose myself in my music. I don't want to zone out the way I do, because it hurt to much to stay in the present. I don't want to go to work tomorrow, or the next day, or ever again. Right now, I don't want to do much of anything. I'm tired of explaining that to people. I'm tired of being asked why I'm still in bed and it 12pm, because honestly I don't have an answer. I could get out of bed, I could get the things I need to do done. I would even go as far as to say I should. But I don't. And I probably won't.

Yesterday. Yesterday was just a bad day that's all there is to it. I don't even like to think back to yesterday. I had things said to me that really hurt, I said some things that I intended to hurt also. I'm not proud of that, but it's what is. I can't take back the words I said. Nor can she.

Right now I'm struggling. I'm not looking for the quick fix to happiness. I just need to know it's okay. I need to know I'm okay. I need a hug. I need all the little things that happen to make one happy. I need to know that it's okay to be who I am right now. That even though I'm not the same Gabby that I was, that people still love me. That I may sleep more, smile less, and feel 100% worse on a day to day basis, and that okay, because it's temporary, and the people who once cared still care because they know that. Today I may not feel like being Gabby. But one day I will again. But until then, I just need to be loved. *Gabby