Saturday, September 18, 2010

I don’t need told.

I get it. I really do. There are people in harder times than me. I get that. But that doesn't mean I don't have a right to my own feelings about my own life.

If I want to complain about being in a strange town, alone, with nothing to do. I will.

I often feel like crap because of the feelings I have. That's not fair. (Yes I'm regressing back to that stage) I should be able to freely feel my feelings. I shouldn't have to worry who I might offend because somethings happened in their life. Because guess what, my life ain't easy. (Yeah I just said ain't).

I just spent the last hour crying because my carton of milk was spoiled. Great. Was it really the milk I was upset about? Was It the glass of cereal I pour it on to before realizing it was chunky? No not really. It's just milk. It would have made me sick anyway. I don't have money to get anymore. SO I'll eat dinner tonight in the cafeteria and then they'll have dinner tomorrow there too. That's a bit annoying. No I don't like food that much. But I still tend to eat more than once a day. Even if it is gross.

SO then, why was I crying? I'm not sure there's an exact reason. I know I don't want to be here. I know my mom had just called to say she missed me, as this was the first weekend I didn't go home. I know that I've been in this stupid room way too much. I know that I didn't sleep much last night. I know that I feel like CRAP. I know all that. I also know that many other people are having just as crappy of a day today. Should that make me suck it up and get on with life? Probably. Will it? No. I'm not that kind of person. See other people hurting doesn't make me look at my life and say "they've got it worse, I should be happy" because honestly. They really don't have it worse, they have it different. It's still sucky. It still hurts. It just isn't the same.

Surprisingly enough. I'm still sticking to my not talking about it statement earlier. I still haven't talked about "it".

Funny how much this blog really helps me. I doubt that anyone really reads much anymore. I've been an awful blogger. This is how it usually works though.


I blog, a lot get everything out.

I feel better, the blogging slows down.

I get busy, rarely update.

I start to fall apart, the blogging picks up again.

By now I'm in a rut. I hate this stupid rut. I find myself here often.
ß This is me now.

Once again I will stop blogging. Mainly because what I have to say isn't worth saying.

Someone will notice I'm hurting again, pick me back up.

I'll get back in the bloggy system

I'll get feeling okay again.

Ready. Repeat.


This is what I call the Gabby system. Sometimes when this happens it's hardly noticeable. Sometimes, it gets bad. Right now. It's bad.

So, if I disappear. Stop responding. I'll be in dorm 4-113 of Rocky Mountain Hall. Because that's the only place I can go.


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