Friday, September 17, 2010

Trying to Blog from MS Word….

I'm not sure that this will work. So I might end up sending it to Management to have her post it. But, if it does work, my life would be so much easier. But, for now, there will be no pictures. At least not when I post from school. I'm really digging this font. I hope it stays J.

Honestly Honest.

I'm having a rough time here at school. Not because I'm not making friends. I've made a few. Not because I'm not enjoying my classes, they're quite fun. Next week in Phlebotomy we get to start poking, which slightly scares me. I'm fine with poking others, but having someone, who doesn't know what they are doing poke me…. No thanks. That comes with my fear of student nurses I think. I didn't completely bomb my Abnormal Psych test. Which is a praise. I may have not done so good on the Phlebotomy test yesterday. But I'm pretty sure that I'm just Psyching myself out. Yet. Part of me, hates it here. It may be because there are scary clowns on my wall. Or that it's after 1pm and my roommate is still sleeping. It could be because the food is GROSS or that I'm anemic and my mother hasn't called the nutritionist, and hasn't sent me her number to do it myself. It could be that I haven't seen the love of my life(Wookie) since Sunday. And knowing I have to go another week before I get to is killing me inside. It could be that my feet still hurt. After 4 weeks. And Dr.W said if it's not better next week I really should see the Ortho. Which means missing school, at least one day, as I can't drive all the way to Utah, have an Appointment, and come all the way back in one day, without going insane.

It could be that I still don't have a job. I applied at the hospital yesterday, yes I'm that desperate. They need an X-ray Tech. It could be fun. Not as much physical work as a CNA. Still in the medical field, I really didn't want to work at the hospital here. But, I guess, if I get the job. I'll do it. I also applied at Kmart and Claire's. Both places advertising that they're hiring. Yet, no phone calls. I went to one of the McDonalds. They were stupid. There wasn't even a manager in the building, they didn't know where he went. I asked for the store number so I could apply online. The guy informed me they didn't have a store number. I looked at him like "Are you stupid?" (yes would be the answer to that) Then proceeded to civilly ask for a receipt. Because, you know, that's where the store number is. Well at least I knew that. And most people who have every eaten at a McDonalds Down here in the mountains know that. Yet, He didn't know that?

It could very well be all of that making me hate college. Wouldn't surprise me one bit. But it could also be that without Wookie I'm always alone. Even when I may not be physically I am mentally. The people here don't know my past. They don't know I'm suffering from PTSD. They don't know that Not having consistent treatment for it is making me insane. They don't know, me. While it is nice to just be Gabby. I'm no longer just Gabby. Whether I want it or not, all of my problems are me. There's no one to talk to about these things here. Having Therapy every few weeks, is better than nothing, yet I'm almost afraid to talk. Because, I don't always know, when I'll be there again. With Wookie around. I didn't have to talk. He knew when I was sad. When I needed him to love on me. When I wanted him next to me. He knew how to make me smile. "He's just a dog" you might be thinking. But you're wrong. He's my dog. I love him SO much it hurts some days. To know that he is sad when I'm not with him, hurts even more. We need each other to function. To sleep. To feel at all okay. I just want my Puppy, my baby, my Wookie-Pie.

So today. I'm sad. I sit here. With nothing to do, because I have no class on Fridays. Thinking about how much I miss my puppy. Wanting to go home. Knowing that I can't. I really hate it. I know. Today. There is nothing I can do about it. I know that dorm life, is not for me. The sharing a room. The disgusting food. Not having Wookie with me. I know that ASAP I will have my own apartment. With my puppy. I know, that I can't do this without him. L

I'm not okay right now. Whether that is 'Normal' or not, well I don't know or care. I just want my puppy. I want to deeply talk to someone who knows me. I want a new, or no roommate. Want Want Want. Quite frankly. This SUCKS.

I also want some food I can identify. That doesn't make me sick….

Well, there's my heart. Right on this post. Maybe later, when I'm not hurting so much. I will write more on the good things of college.

I leave you with this amazing video. Watch it, enjoy it . Live vicariously through me.


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