Tuesday, September 28, 2010

In Which We All Become Confused.

Well, I'm still in this rut phase. The one where my blogging usually comes to a screeching halt. But. Today I've decide to break out of the normal. If I know what's gonna happen why not change it? Make it the way I want it? So I will proceed to poor my heart out for the next little while. Sit back. Take an Ibuprofen(I already did, twice today). And read on as far as you can handle…. Before I start, did anyone watch my Skydive Video? What did you think? If you didn't Click here (I totally just figured out how to do that. I'm SOOO excited!!!)

Let me start with, I have something going on. Not sure what. Probably Anemia, possibly allergies, Some kind of stomach issue. Fever. Massive headache. And quite frankly it SUCKS. I hardly know anyone here. I look like crap. I feel like crap. And I have no one to take care of me. I don't like it. Growing up has the vacuum effect. Humph.

The food has been awful the last few days. The few meals they feed us anyway. Yesterday I ate, *gulp*, Spam for the first real time. Not that I today Sherry* that. It wasn't as bad as it sounds. Spam… Spoiled ham? That's what it sounds like to me. But I still ate it. In a sandwich. I thought it tasted a lot like those Vienna sausages you can buy in the can? JMO. Today. They had the sandwich station up. I eat there a lot. White bread, turkey, Mayo, Mustard, lettuce, tomato, and onion. If I'm feeling super spiffy I through the yellow banana peppers on. Is there any other color of banana pepper? Banana makes me think yellow… I will have to find that out… Interesting.

My Abnormal Psychology class was cancelled this morning. Well not really. It was never scheduled. None of us realized that until we all were there and started talking. Don't have it Wednesday either. Not that I'm complaining. We are getting into anxiety D/O's. Bit of a touchy subject for me. A lot of what she is trying to explain and make all these people understand is my every day. Though, it has been awhile since I've had a full blown anxiety attack. I can usually hide the mild pretty well. We haven't actually gotten in to PTSD yet. Probably the next class session. I'm not looking forward to it. But refuse to go to her and ask for a pass from it, I do already know a lot about it, but that would be letting it control me. Not to mention I'd feel like a complete mental person. We are after all only talking about a disorder I have. None of them even know I have it. I'd like it to stay that way….

I'm really digging this font. Is it okay for everyone else? Bigger, smaller? Everything?

There's this RA, oh my, does he smell nice! Delightful really. He put me in a better mood just by the way he smelt!

Ever have a thought, a belief, a notion? Ever been afraid to speak because you know how stupid you must sound? Yeah I'm there. That my dear readers is crap. Yes, that happens to be my word of the day. I know in my head how unrealistic my belief is. My body just isn't to the *realistic* point yet. It's still back at the over stimulated scared point. It's not ready to move on so to speak. My body still flips out at the little stuff. Not as bad as it use to. But it still does.

Please come now I think I'm falling
I'm holding to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere
And I'm trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

(I love this song!!! Really. LOVE it. Do you know the name? I do. I was just wondering who else here is a Creed fan? I like most of their songs. I just have to be in the right mood for some of them. )

Yeah, that was completely off subject. Sorry. I feel pretty awful. Haven't slept much the last 2 nights, the first night I saw a spider. An unreal spider of course, the size of my hand on the wall by my face. I flew out of bed and turned the light on. Shook out my bedding and realized it was a dream. But then for the rest of the night I felt itchy which kept me awake. Then I was sure that my computer was going to fall off my desk if I didn't move it to my dresser. Okay sure. Then last night I felt awful. Fell asleep around 530pm woke up a few times. Then at 2am I woke up realized my roomie wasn't back, went to head out the door to find her, stopped myself as she does have family in town she was probably with. Then ate some cereal.



****Big News To Come****

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