Monday, March 26, 2012

Something New

I wish I could write like I used to. I never had a problem posting daily. Even when I was working. Nowadays I have a hard time posting weekly or even monthly sometimes. Which is odd. I have a lot to say. Really I do. I just don't know how to say it. 

Seems to be my trend of late. So much to say. No idea how to say it. And then it all comes out jarbled. I've been rather over emotional lately. And by rather I mean that I was crying over people I didn't know looking at me wrong. I seem to be a tad bit better now. But still not great. I find myself crying at stupid things yet not at big things. 

I've never wanted to be the girl that was in love with the idea of being in love. But, I don't want to be a lady who never found love either. I'm caught in the middle of my emotions here. I have a feeling about this guy. Oh, yeah never got around to writing that post either. Whoops. I'm not in love with him. Or the idea of being in love with him. I do think it could happen. I do feel a strange sense of belonging when I talk to him. I do think about him all a lot of the time. I do want to talk to him all of the time. I do wish he lived closer. I do wish May would hurry up and get here. I do hope that this is something real. Because, I'm comfortable with him. Yet. I find myself scared out of my mind. Makes total sense right? But, I'm comfortable being scared. 

I tend to come off a tad bit fragile. Don't know why... I always hear people making the comment that they are afraid to break me. It's always nice to have people looking out for you. But at the same time I am plenty capable of know my own limitations and asking for help.... Most of the time. Which is probably why people feel they need to protect me all of the time. 

I'm in the process of coming up with a 2 year plan. It actually isn't that hard because for the last 6 months I've been saying that certain things are in my 2 year plan. So I guess now it's the 1.5 year plan. You know, whatever works. 

One of these days I will write a completely open, real, raw post. It's in the 2 year plan. :) 

No comments: