Words.

I have a lot I want to say. 
I'm just not sure how to say it. 
I don't know how to express it. Here. 
So instead I avoid blogging. 
I sit in my little comfort zone. 
I pretend to not be scared. 
But, I don't know if I can pretend that much longer. 
What is there to be scared of? 
Well, a lot. 
On many different levels. 
From the flutterby's in my stomach. 
To the scans and procedures. 
The future is complex. 
Today is complex. 
Yesterday was complex. 
I should be used to it by now. 
I should be so used to being told no one knows what is going on that is doesn't bother me anymore. 
But the truth is.
It still does. 
It still scares me. 
Especially when there are many different things going on. 
They could be unrelated. 
Or not. 
I guess I will know more over the next few weeks. 


I will go into more detail later. 
Right now I'm too busy figuring it all out. 
What it all means. 
What he this will mean. :D