"How long wilt thou forget me, oh Lord? How long wilt thou hide thy face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? How long shall mine enemy be exalted over me? Consider and hear me, O Lord my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death; Lest mine enemy say , I have prevailed against him: and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved. But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation. I will sing unto the Lord, because he hath dealt bountifully with me." Psalms 13.
With out that chapter of the Bible I don't know that I would have made it through these last few days.
Before I give my explaination to where I've been this last week, let me say I'm so sorry. I had a melt down. I let everyone in my life down. It's not okay. I'm not okay. I've read through all of the comments and I have to say I'm surprised. I honestly didn't know I had that many readers that honestly care about me. It's nice. I feel all alone. Nobody really understands exactly what I'm going through. A few people come close, it's not just the medical stuff either. Its all of life. Life hurts. It shouldn't all the time but it does. I'm learning how to cope with it.
Well last Monday, at an appointment with my psychologist, she asked, (wait we need to move back a few more days to Friday- at a different appointment with the same psychologist, I told her I was having suicidal thoughts, not because I wanted to, because I suck at lying so I don't. So she called my mom, my mom called my Pastor, there was a big fuss. It all made me feel so much worse. It all just sat inside me through the weekend, getting worse and worse. (Now we can move back to monday) ) if I was still having suicidal thoughts. Which I was, more then thoughts, I knew how I was gonna do it, just hadn't yet. Again me being an awful liar, she found that out. Me not willing to promise I could be safe at home, got myself sent to the ER and then to an inpatient psych hospital. And thats where I've been for the last week.
I will blog more tomorrow. *Gabby