Sunday, August 9, 2009


I can never think of the right words to start a post. I want them to be perfect, something that makes one think. But I just don't have those words in me.

The words in me are of pain and anger. I hurt, alot. All the time actually. I hurt when I breathe, eat, sleep, and think. I do not want to live. Call me whatever you want for that, but its true.

I feel like I've let everyone down. Like I'm supposed to be some strong person that never falls apart. But now I'm in pieces. I can't put myself back together. I've forgotten how to be happy. How to not have to force myself to laugh so others don't see my pain.

Even though there's people all around me wanting to help I feel alone. Everyone has pain. Everyone has suffering. But I am unable to deal with mine.

I'm not gonna do anything to end my life tonight. I promised I wouldn't. But this is whats on my heart and mind. This is how I feel. And try as I might I can't change it.


lovey said...

It will get better. The pain will end. Keep reaching out as much as you can to others. Hugs, Laurie

Nicole said...

I just know there is nothing I can say but I still beg you to stay with us. all this pain and saddness cant be forever. We only have this one life. you are strong enough. it takes really strength to post this blog. it will get better. it will. it will. it will. it will.Please, I will beg you. so much ahead of you. this is temporary.

Nicole said...

still thinking of u...

Nicole said...

yep, still thinking of you...just remember what the header of your blog says...
" Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over it became a butterfly"
if u "help" a moth out of a cocoon, it doesnt build up its strength. it wouldnt be strong enough to survive. this is preparing you for your life. its a suck-ass cocoon. i know...just hang in there

rabidbutterfly said...

the whole "i know how you feel" doesn't do much, but right now that's all i can say. it hurts to hear your pain and know i can't do more.
i wish i could help.
i'm here if you need.