Hard Day...

Today was a hard day. I've had a fever all day and just don't feel good. Also, Troy boarded a plane for Kuwaiti... He's happy, so very happy, which makes me happy, but I'm sad that he is gone. Only 10 months he keeps telling me. That's a very long time though... Hmmm. I really like him. A lot... Please pray for his safety...

It's my Birthday Thursday. WOW. I still can't believe it!!! I'm having a party Wednesday night with my friends and the a family one on the 4Th. I hope it's fun. It should be great!

I went and got some job applications... Filled them out for the most part. Probably won't turn them in right away, we'll see though. I want a job, but I don't want a job. I just can't decide. I hope I'm ready...

Tomorrow I'm hoping to go down to the College and sign up for a couple classes... We'll see. I don''t feel much like leaving the house. Or my bed. so I might just stay in my jammies and do pretty much nothing tomorrow. I need to do laundry and some cleaning so maybe that will get done. Who knows.

I am so super tired and have an awful headache so I think I'm gonna wrap up this post. I have a lot more to say and if I can get my computer to work I will post in the morning. Goodnight. *Gabby

Short very short.

Hello, not much to say tonight mainly because I'm exhausted. I just got up from a very nice nap(yes I know it's almost 10pm) and think I'll go back to bed after I play a game with the kids. Yes Nicole the book I'm reading is a vampire book, no I haven't read any of the ones you mentioned. My sisters did though. I was/am more into non-fiction. Real life stories fascinate me. Though my all time favorite book is Gulliver's Travels by Jonathan Swift. Wonderful book. Well like I said not much to say tonight. Have a wonderful night. *Gabby

Tuesday

Well to start I want to say hello to my IRL friend Courtney who has just started reading my blog, she is amazing. Check out her blog at http://www.theworldof-courtney.blogspot.com/. We took our younger kids to the park this afternoon and it was fun. It is finally not raining everyday which is lovely. I enjoy being outside sometimes. She is also the one who took all the lovely pictures of me that I posted awhile back. Lovely.

I've been getting out a little more lately Doctors orders. I tried to go down to the college to sign up for classes yesterday but no one was available to help so I will have to go back another day. I went to lunch with a friend and had lots of fun. I've decided that I'm not going to go back full time at the nursing home... EVER. I'm gonna go talk to them about maybe working one or two days a month just to keep my CNA active. I'm going to apply at the daycare because that's where I would like to work. With little kids.

Found out today that my iron is super low which is why I'm so very tired. So now on top of all the other medicines I'm taking I have to take 150mg of iron a day. The pills make me sick though. Also They are decreasing the Dexomethazone and the TPN even more. I'll be off the Dexomethazone by my Birthday and starting probably my birthday the TPN will go to every other night for two weeks and then as long as I'm still eating enough I will be completely off it. Not sure how long it will be before I get my PICC line out because I take the Zofran through it but hopefully by the end of summer I will be done with all this stuff. Wouldn't that be Peachy.

Overall I guess I'm not doing to bad. I'm still having a hard time with all the emotions that I'm experiencing but am able to control them a little better I guess.

The book I'm reading is New Moon. I haven't really been able to get into it. I've been reading it since November. It just doesn't grab my attention. But I hear then next two are wonderful so I'm trying to get through it.

Well that's all for tonight. I'm going to have a snack and get into bed. I'm surprised I've made it this late. I usually fall asleep around 7-730 so this is rather late for me.

I think I'll open this post up to any questions you have for me. Medical-Mental-Life. Anything. Ask away. Really please do. I need something to do.

Okay have a wonderful night. Crackers and peanut butter here I come! *Gabby

2 weeks....

In two weeks from today I will be 18, oh goodness! Can I just say I'm scared out of my mind. Honestly I "grew up" a long time ago, but actually being an adult, wow. There's so many choices I have to make for the rest of my life, am I ready? I don't feel ready. I feel that I'm still a kid who just wants to be a kid. I've never been the one who couldn't wait to turn 18 , and I'm not sure I want it. But there's a lot of stuff in my life right now that I don't want. I have two Doctors appointments on my birthday. Sounds fun right. For the very first time I will get to sign myself into the hospital. Woo hoo. No. Wait that doesn't sound like a very fun birthday. I'm so tired of doing what needs to be done. I want to do what I want just for one day. No medicine four times a day no PICC line. Just me, being seen ad me not some sick person. Did I mention before that I now weigh 120.6lbs? OH MY GOODNESS! I can't exactly say I'm happy about it. Gain 30lbs and trust me you feel fat. I know I'm not, but my clothes don't fit right and I'm just not thrilled with anything right now. I really need to get all this stuff done to start the rest of my life but I don't want to. I want the last year of my life back. I want to not have to worry about all. Like where do I want to go to college? I'm going to start here in town but after that where to? I don't really even know my options. Guess that's what happens when you're always in the hospital. I could do it through the college here in town but that would mean doing things at the hospital here in town and I REALLY don't want that. My Aunt wants me to go to Casper and live with her but I'm not sure I want that. But maybe I do. It's all just too much to take in right now. Maybe tomorrow morning I will go down and enroll in some classes. Maybe not. I think I might have a stomach bug. I'm so use to being nauseous that I don't know anymore. I didn't get dressed today. Didn't feel like it. Didn't even want to get out of bed. But I did. I'm just so confused and frustrated right now. I wake up in the morning hoping for the day to pass quickly so I can go back to bed. I don't want to be here right now. Or anywhere really. The weather isn't helping any either. Its been so rainy. Everyday. I hate it. Being outside would be a nice distraction right now. But instead I sit curled up under a blanket, as the rain hits the house so hard you can hardly hear anything else. I've been reading all day, and I think I will now return to my book. Live someone elses life for a few moments. *Gabby

6 hours

So I went to the DR yesterday and they brought my TPN down 6 hours, I'm excited. So now instead of 18 hours I only have to have it on for 12. Went shopping yesterday after the DR that was fun. Not really much to say today. I've been super tired lately I slept over 14 hours last night. They think it might be a problem with my iron from all the blood they've been drawing. We spent the weekend at my Grandmas in Mapleton. It was pretty fun, my great uncle and his wife were up from KS. The rain was awful, it was cold and yucky all weekend. I'm so ready for warm weather. I think I'm gonna have a cup of hot chocolate, and a peanut butter cookie. It's so nice to enjoy food again. Yesterday we had sushi oh goodness it was wonderful. And Coldstone ice cream mmm. *Gabby

Long time.

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I finally got out of the hospital last Friday with not many results. The pain was gone though. They figure that its all just recovery, no good. Now I'm on 5 new medicines, Zofran, Reglan, Prevacid, Zantac, and Dexomethazone(SP?). 2 of them are iv the Zofran and Dexomethazone. The Zofran is every 6 hours, well close, Give or take a few. They did a scope and took biopsy's, we should find out about those anytime now. Also my surgeon Dr.Downy transferred me to the GI clinic because he feels that I don't need anymore surgery, which is great, just have to learn a new part of the hospital. He just doesn't feel qualified to take care of my new stomach issues.


My graduation was on Tuesday, it went great! I was so nervous. We had a part at my house before it, it was exhausting. I almost passed out while everyone was trying to get pictures. Awful. But the ceremony went good and I didn't trip on the stage which was a huge fear for me!!! I will post some pictures as soon as I get them on my computer.

The home health nurse came this morning for the 3rd time this week!! Different nurse each time. But my blood pressure is being funky, 104/0. How is that possible you ask? I don't know. He did it more then once and got the same result. Monday when the nurse came to draw all my blood again (50mls) she got done took it to the lab and then we got a phone call from her boss, apparently they have been incorrectly reading the orders or something and doing the wrong blood draws!!! No good. So Tuesday morning in the middle of getting ready for the graduation she came and drew more blood,(60-70mls). Talk about a lot of blood.

I didn't want to say anything on this subject but since I've been getting comments about it I feel a need to. I do not know what happened with "B" and "April" or how the situation progressed, I do not know if they are real and honestly don't want anyone to tell me either way because how am I supposed to believe it? I do know that whoever this "B" person is God loves her therefore so do I. I will continue to pray for her, and "April". What did it ever hurt to pray? Even if its all fake? But what if even part of its true, and obviously "B" needs our prays and I'm happy to give mine. So please do not comment about my "Praying for April Rose" tag because I am praying for her. Like it or not, its my choice not yours.

I also will be posting this in the side bar but if you would like to email me you can at gabbyswords@gmail.com .


Because of Picc line I don't get to go to summer camp this year, I'm upset about it. Very upset. Everyone here is trying to make me feel better but have just made it much worse. I know all things work together for THE good of those that love the Lord and are called together according to HIS purpose. But right now I don't feel it. I'm not sick enough to be sick but I' not health enough to be healthy. What am I? This would be my last year at camp because I graduated anyways but I want to go. I want to go so badly. So I've been avoiding Church and will continue to do so until I know that I can walk in without bursting into tears. Because right now I'm hurting and no one understands. I've spent more of my time these last few days crying then not. And I just feel awful.


Now I need some help. How do you create a blog button? And the signature thing? If someone wouldn't mind helping me with that I would be so grateful.

*Gabby

Another day.

Hello from PCMC. Its been a long couple of days. I will start at the begining, Monday all was fine and dandy, I felt a little off from have 50ccs of blood..... About 3:30pm I started having awful stomach pain took some ibprofen AND tylonel didn't help at all. took a shower and by the time i got all all i could do was lay on my bed wreching in pain. We called the dr he said to head to the ER which is about 1 hour away we got there round 7:30 couple a doses of morphine and 6 drs later they decided to admit me. We finally got to a roomat two or three, I didn't sleep much. Had an ultrasound that morning everything looked great. An upper GI, a scope, and tons of x rays later they still aren't sure whats going on. If they can find the right dr and right kinds of medicine I will go home today. *Gabby

Sorry my M key isn't working very well!!!

Today

I got my hair permed! Look really bad in this Picture but its really cute when its done.

Its been a long weekend, new meds, new pain, still the same me. I have an ultrasound scheduled tomorrow morning at 930, they want to check my pancreas and liver. Fun stuff. I went shopping yesterday and my mo hit me with the cart, then this morning I had a blood draw 50mls WOW talk about alot of blood, I had physical therapy and just wasn't feeling that great when I got there so I didn't have to do the normal 4miles on the bike. But I guess by the tie I finished all the other stuff my face was completely white, good thing Courtney had dropped me off because they weren't going to let e leave if I was driving myself home. Now I'm in bed, I really should get up and clean BUT I just don't feel like it.

When the home health nurse came this morning to do the blood draw she also changed my PICC Line dressing. I'm so surprised its not infected yet because they seriously stink at keeping it sterile. She insested that there had to be a piece of gauze underneath it, which makes it not stay on as good and bugs me. But appearently haave 3 other PICC lines does NOT give me knowledge on how I like the dressing to be!!!

I had a lot I wanted to post about but I' just exhausted right now. Maybe later *Gabby