Okay, I wrote the previous post saturday, got up for a minute and haven't been back on my computer until now. So now I'm going to post again. I've been sick. Had a fever since Saturday evening. Called out of work today, only to be told I had to go in. Went in. Got sent home. I just love going in circles. Now I intend to write a very indepth post on exactly what I'm feeling.
I honestly feel awful. Why? Because I've lost my way. No I haven't just lost my way, I've lost everything. My friends don't know how to treat me. No one does. And its gotten old. So very old. The worst part is, I don't even know how to treat myself. Do is push myself to do the things I don't want to because maybe one day I will want to? Do I stay in bed because I don't feel like facing the cruel world. I don't feel like being Gabby right now. Can't someone else do it please. I don't know what I want. I just know this isn't it. I need a break. I'm doing stupid things. I'm saying stupid things. Everyone drives me outta my skin, They don't have to do anything at all and I'm beyond annoyed with them. Right this moment, I'm doing everything I can not to burst in to tears. And I want so badly to ask "why me God" but I'm afraid I don't want to know the answer. Right now my emotions are very hard for me to express. I just want to be okay. But I don't know when that is going to happen. I have the erge to walk up to people I see and say "my names Gabby and I'm not okay. "