Thursday, May 6, 2010

Bite me!

That's how I feel today. I just want to tell the world "BITE ME". Is life awful? No? Is it a depression thing? Not really. I'm sure it contributes but it isn't that cause. I seriously have spent hours crying yesterday and today. Why? Well, the situation with the Coleman family breaks my heart, it's finals and I'm stressed to my limit. Not sleeping was getting to me. I'm overwhelmed. That's the bottom line. So, I'm an emotional wreck. Normally, I'm an emotional person, I can admit that. Normally, I need things candy-coated or I break down. Normally, when things aren't candy-coated, they don't even have to be rude, I have a meltdown inside. But, I can normally keep it inside. The last couple days, no deal. Anything and everything brings me to tears. I posted on Facebook the laws about service dogs, my moms friends commented on it, I don't even think they were trying to be mean, but I was in tears and deleted it. AH is it them that are stupid or me? Either way, I can't handle it. I know I say that a lot and then end up handling it just fine. But it really feels like I can't handle this. I got some good, "uplifting advice tonight... "push up bra". It made me giggle.

Some days just have the vacuum effect. That's just how the cookie crumbles. But that doesn't mean I like it. Or that it's easy. But, there's always tomorrow. Even though it looks just as bad!

I had the first night of real sleep in weeks last night. Which you'd think would make my emotionalness better. No deal. I still had bad or unpleasant dreams, but they weren't nightmares, they were just not good. Which means, he was still in them, just not holding a knife. AND of all people, Jeannette was in them. She was like my protector. Anytime I would see him, I'd start to freak out, she'd take my hand and lead me away. It was really, just a weird set of dreams. First we were at an hotel. This dream had it's own crazy twist, nope not gonna share, then an amusement park, then church, but not our church, well it was our church but not our building. It was the church I grew up at, but not really. It was significant in the dream. Then I was taking my Algebra final, at the church that is not my church, but was my church, but not really, and the lady who taught my CNA class was my instructor. Yeah, it was just really weird. Then he would show up, and that's when it would change settings. And then there was something about a space station, and soda, and puppies, and babies, an a river, with monsters in it, watching movies with a guy who apparently was my boyfriend, who lost Wookies bone, so I was mad and Wookie was crying. Are you confused now? Oh and being at a gas station, getting drinks, but Stephanie wanted a green one, but the only green was on the bottom, she didn't want one from the bottom because it'd be full of bugs. Yeah. You don't want to be in my dreams. They make no sense. But every time he'd show up, so would J and it wouldn't be as bad. Are you confused now? I sure am! Well, I should get to bed!!! I hope I can sleep again tonight, because if I don't, I can't just watch tv. It's broke. Which is a whole new nightmare waiting to be dreamt .... More to come on this subject.

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