Too Much?

Yeah, just maybe.
I need a slow down.
I need to work out these stupid thoughts.
I need some cough syrup.
I don't want to go back tomorrow.
But I'm excited to be back

End of the lawsuit nearing.
What then?
Will it fix me?
no.
Not in the least bit.
Won't make me feel one tiny bit better
or give me peace of mind.
It will probably send me into a Horrible PTSD funk, however.
I've found, that lately, I can hardly say his name and stay emotionally/mentally present.
one step forward. ten steps back.

I'm once again. Broke.
But. I get paid this week.
Well.
To be truthful
I get paid every week.
But.
thats irrelevant

I saw my BGF(best guy friend) and he was no longer him.
We hugged.
He said I was too skinny
We argued about him leaving and not spending time with me.
I left.

Great memories? Oh yeah.
Still friends
Probably not.
Sad part?
I'm madly in love with him
He is in something. . .
With Nestor.
I'm a bit broken.
My heart
my mind.
It physically hurts.
I want him to be happy.
He isn't.
I know.
I see it in his eyes.
It breaks my heart.

Now.
I head to bed with a heavy heart.
Because this post didn't even scratch the surface of what's in my mind/ On my heart.
Just know.
It hurts.