Tuesday, May 19, 2009


Sorry had some trouble getting this post up. Third post in one day. Wow. That's unusual! I'm sitting in bed aching inside and out. Why? I don't know. I'm sad, I'm frustrated, I'm hurting, and I'm angry. I'm sad because I'm not he only one aching tonight. May not be for the same reasons but it still hurts everyone in their own way. I'm frustrated because I can't fix it. I can try, but in the end there will be hurt in my life until God calls me to heaven. I'm hurting because I metabolize pain medicine so fast and because of my size I can't take much. I'm angry because I don't like me, I don't like life. I don't like to feel emotion. I don't want to be 1000 miles away from my boy friend. I want things to go my way all the time. Unreasonable? Yes very. But honest.

That curling up and crying thing is sounding very good right now. The day has been very long. I don't want to sleep, I don't want to be awake. In all honesty, I don't want to be at all right now. Selfish? Yes very. But honest

Kids got home from school, I was hoping for a quiet evening of playing outside in the lovely weather. No such luck. One of the boys had a referral. No good. SO instead We spent the time inside writing lines until it was time to make dinner.

After making dinner tonight, I was just bout exhausted. I was hoping for a nice quiet dinner. Just me and the kids. No such luck. About half way through. I told the boys to eat their spinach. WOW you would have thought I Was beating one of them. He was on the ground screaming, okay if you're two maybe just maybe I would put up with it. But NINE no way. I stood him up and proceeded to feed him his spinach while video taping his fit. After about 15 minutes of him screaming while eating his spinach, I gave him another scoop. Just because I'm nice. Sent the video to my mom who was at work still. When she got home he was still throwing the fit but as soon as she walked through the door he was quiet, She said eat your spinach within 1 minute it was gone. AHHH really? Is that how it going to be? GRR

Now I'm just done. I don't want to put up with anything more.

I want Troy he with me RIGHT NOW. Days like today make me miss him SO much more. I think tonight instead of sleeping I'm going to watch a sad movie and clean my room. And eat some radishes. That will make it better right? I am having internet problem but hope to be online most of the night. If you have any questions ask away *Gabby

1 comment:

lovey said...

It's got to get better... I know it's tough. I have friends that were "fair weather friends", and I was supposed to support them, when I needed support. I have had friends that there were "unwritten rules" about what I could and couldn't talk about. It's not the same as family, but I know this kind of stuff is hard to go through.

I don't think you are negative. I think you are in a situation/atmosphere that is too much for you to handle right now. I think if you were in a different situation and their were different people surrounding you, life and your attitude would greatly be improved, and you would be less depressed. I hope you will keep hope for the future...there are good people coming your way eventually. It's just going to take time. The most important thing for you right now is to concentrate on your health, so that in the future you can have a more fulfilling life. I know it doesn't help the pain right now though.

Also, I know what it is like to "little mama" as a teenager..my mom had a breakdown when I was 16, and until I was 18 I ran the household. I was the most responsible teenager you saw..but by 21 I was pretty wild.. it can backfire to have so much responsibility at a young age. Best wishes.. Laurie