Plum....

Tonight, I'm exhausted. That seems to be a theme lately. Maybe because they took me off iron, didn't think about that. I will have to get that checked out. I'm in a lot of pain, have been all day. So I'm just chillin' in my chair trying not to move too much because that seems to make it worse. Thinking after I finish this I will curl up with a hot pack. I'll call the Dr in the morning.

I don't really have a lot to post tonight.... Not that I really ever do. Tonight it just seems less. Not that I don't have a lot going on in my mind, just finding a away to let it out and still be okay, well is going to be hard....

I was up half the night last night, for more then one reason. I think I was having this silly pain, and my hands and feet were burning. Only I can take enough sleeping pills to "knock out a horse" and still be awake. They do knock me out for maybe 2 hours, if I'm lucky. But hey, I'll that any good sleep I can get!

So I'm in need of a taco, which lucky for me, we have that stuff. Right now the things I want to eat are, tacos, potato chips and pickles, and queso on pizza rolls. I will only eat a few bites of any of it before getting nauseous, but that's what sounds good. Actually at work today, I managed to get through half a cheese burger before becoming nauseous. Its not the horrible nausea that I used to get that the only way to get rid of it was sleep. Its just uncomfortable. And feels like my stomach is trying to come up my throat, that's part of the rumination syndrome. Oh how its fun to have and have had all these different syndromes, really I could do a post just on the different things I've been diagnosed with.

I really do have a love for tacos. I eat mine with onions, lettuce. and green Tabasco. Yum!! How do you eat yours? Nothing better the tacos in my opinion, well maybe steak, but that's a rare meal in our house. No pun intended!!! Ha ha now that you all are probably laughing at me rather then the joke I'm going to move on!

I'm listening to one of my new found loves, Lady Gaga! Beautiful, dirty, rich, is what happens to be playing right now. My favorite is either Bad Romance or Just Dance. Not sure which. I also love The Strange Familiar. The song on my page is by them, my good friend B actually got me into them. I'm downloading my Cd's to my computer, so I can put them on my Ipod! Because I NEED more music on it:). What are some of your favorite music groups? Really this isn't all of mine, I just don't feel like putting them on here right now.

Okay so I know I've mentioned her before but again I want to mention Debi... Who IS going to do a guest post that I'm so excited about! I never really said how I met her. Well when I was in the hospital, summer 08, my mom spent a lot of time playing online, robo runner. Well when Debi found out that I was in the hospital down there she asked if she could come see us, because she lived relatively close to the hospital. SO she came, honestly I was on so many drugs I don't really remember he visit, well maybe I do, I don't know. Its all blurred together. So after that she came a few more times. I went home. Then anytime we were down there and she was free she would come sit at the hospital with my mom while I was having tests done. They built a relationship. She was there a lot when I was in the hospital Jan-Feb 09. Since I spent a little time in there every month until July, we got to see her a lot. Then when I was in the mental health place in august, she came every day. That meant so much to me. We built, in my opinion, a great relationship during that time. Some days I'm sure I looked like a wreck and felt even worse, but she was there, gave me advice, hugged me. Just made me feel better. While she isn't actually from my home having her there was like having a little piece of home with me, for just a minute. :) Now I love her to death, and don't know what I'd do without her. I'm so thankful God has put her in my life.

SO mom got an email from Dr.Downy today. Had said he is going to help figure out why I'm having all these problems again. He also said he missed us! Seriously, I thought I was crazy for missing my surgeon, but since he misses me too, I feel much better about it. That's another special relationship I've made through this medical crap. And that's just two of many. I am still in contact with quite a few of the nurses and techs that took care of me in the hospital. Weird? Yeah but I love it.

So much for not having much to post eh? Okay its after 11pm and I must be getting to bed. Goodnight.*Gabby

Dreaming?

I had some of the oddest dreams last night. They went from hiding from the police in a field of sagebrush because I was trying to sneak into the castle, to trying to kill all the bugs on the water slide, Being attacked by a lizard, putting coffee grounds in my managers shoes, and the list goes on. I'm sick, so I know that has something to do with it. But I don't usually remember my dreams, I remember my nightmares just fine though.

After my 13 hours of odd sleep, I awoke needing to take my medicine. Ate half of a turkey cranberry sandwich on a roll. Drank some raspberry iced tea and now I'm in my chair, under many blankets, in need of a nap. Maybe I'll turn NCIS on and sleep the afternoon away. Oh and I had a NCIS dream... It was odd. Very odd. Have a good day! *Gabby

100

This is post 100. Crazy right? I can't believe its been almost a year since I started, and I can't believe I have such great followers... I wanted to make this post great and happy, but today that's not how I'm feeling. So instead I'm just gonna make it a normal Gabby post.

Today, I laid around all day, not really sleeping, just kinda out of it. I fell asleep around 12 last night. woke up around 1am, and just kinda dozed for the rest of the night. It wasn't great. When I was able to get out of bed, I had an awful headache. No good.

When you need a break, where do you turn? When being at your breaking point? Is it okay to break for a minute? Not breaking point like suicidal. More like falling apart. Just wanting to breakdown and cry. To lose myself for a few days. Not have to worry about responsibility.

Will it really help me? No not really. I doubt I'll feel any better. But it's still what I want to do. But I won't, it's not me.

Well I'm tired. Gonna go to bed I think. If I can sleep. Okay. *Gabby

Okay, here is my vent post of the day. I've been trying to mainly keep this happy stuff. But tonight I'm falling apart. I think partly its because I've been up for almost 36 hours straight. When I'm really tired I get really emotional. So I'm sorry. If you're not in the mood for a down post tonight, don't rread. But really, don't leave a comment that will make things worse for me. If you would like to leave some sweet words, please do. I love to get comments.

Tonight, I'm frustrated. Why? Because my favorite holiday was yesterday, I didn't get to enjoy it. I wanted to. But couldn't. Let me explain. It wasn't because I have nothing to be thankful for. Because I do. Not because my mother didn't make it magical. She did. But because I'm going down hill. I hardly eat any more. SO dinner, well I spent most of it trying not to dry heave. Not enjoyable. I really do know that food is not the point of Thanksgiving. But It's my favorite part. I know it could be worse. I know all of these things. But that doesn't make me feel any better.

Because I never feel like eating, I'm losing weight. I'm no where near as small as I was last winter. But Non-the-less, I'm losing. I'm having horrible cravings. For odd things. yesterday at dinner all I could think about was pickles and potato chips. Really? Why? I just wanted to enjoy a delish meal, thats all. Tonight, there's a fridge full of yummy leftovers(only leftovers I eat are thanksgiving), and all I wanted was pizza rolls with queso sauce on them. I took a picture, but haven't figured out that part of my computer yet. I've eaten 4 of the little rolls, and thats pretty much my food for the day. I'm frustrated, frustrated that this is supposed to be fixed and its not. I'm so tired of being told to deep breathe. Really next person who says that to me might just see me lose it.

I'm having a lot more stomach pain. I don't really have much to say about that, I don't know what it is. It just hurts. ....

Okay, this probably isn't my last vent post of the night. But I need a break. SO this one is ending.*Gabby

post post post.

Okay, here I am. Sadly after 3 hours of horrible sleep, I was woken by the silly dog. Not my dog, I don't really like dogs. One tried to eat my foot when I was little and I've never really liked them since. It was my sisters dog. Stupid dog wouldn't shut up. So after an hours of laying on the couch because I was too tired to move, I got up. Now I'm dragging. I need to do laundry. But that involves getting off the couch. Yeah thats not gonna happen right now.

I'm going to spend the evening playing Regnum Online. It will be good.

Good day! *Gabby

GOODNESS!!!!!

OH MY GOODNESS!!!! Its 2:37am, I've been awake sine 8am yesterday. Why, You ask? Well Because I wanted this laptop that is sitting on my lap. So from 8:30pm-1am I was at wal-mart. I also got a touch Ipod! I'm pretty excited, and broke. But thats okay, I'm almost done with my Christmas shopping! Yes, I'm that amazing. Though my twin nephews birthday is the day after, so I need to buy them a gift for that too. Okay so call me crazy, but I'm headed back to the store at 4am, more good deals. This is the 1st time I've done ANY shopping on black friday. So here I am maybe over doing it a little bit. It'll be good though. So if you don't hear from me again today, its probably because I'm sleeping!! Hope you had a great thanksgiving. *Gabby

Rehab is for quitters!

Goodness. Work was awful. I was non-stop crazy busy from the time I got there tell I left. Yeah let me tell you, I will next Thanksgiving ask or it off. Well if I still work there. Thinking about a new job, just thinking, I don't know if they're looking. ANd I do love McDonalds! But poking people with needles. Come on that has to be great! Really wonderful!!!...

So this post has taken forever to get up. It's close to midnight now. But I will finish it, non-the-less. Unless I fall alseep on the cuputer and a brick falls on my head. Then I won't.

I've been having these dream, they really freak me out. The kind of dream where you wake up out of breath crying and have to figure out what really happened in your life, then it keep popping up for days. The ones that noone wants to have. But non-the-less (my word of the day) I still have them. I'd go into detail but I'm tired and hoping not thinking about it will help them go away.

So the reason this post is taking sooo long is because I had to make a run to my sisters to get a pan for the strawberry jello(i have pictures). So I put on my big girl... PANTS(theres more to that then you really want to know) and headed out into the cold winter night. GOt to my sisters. as soon as I walk in the door my 7 yr old neice walks up with my nephew. I fell in love all over again, with both of them! So I held him for a few mintues before I left. Came home and helped mom get food ready, Thanksgiving is big at our house. We have enough food to feed an Army. Or live off of leftovers for a few days. And I the picky eater, eat, almost, everything she makes. I will try to take pictures of everything tomorrow. I would like to do a post on Thanksgiving, and one on the family. WHo's who, and whatnot. All but my oldest brother will be here, sadly I'm happy he won't. He called me a few names a few ear back and I haven't talked to him since, well mabe thats a lie. I talked to him the summer I spent in the hospital for a minute. I was on so many drugs, and in need for contct for the outside world, I would have talked to anyone. The conversation lasted all of a minute. So other then that, I haven't talked to him.

About the title, I thought it was funny,I took a quiz on facebook and that was my random saying... Not that I've ever in my life said that, but apparently thats my saying, so I'll take it like a man or-woman, to be exact!!! I'm so tired I'm rambling, I hope you're enjoying this.

So when I said i tripped over a broom and fell out the window, they were two SEPARATE events. I'm not the coordinated to do that, I usually catch my face with a wall of=r table r something. just falling out the window would probably hurt less. Luckily lately I haven't had my normal bruise like a peach skin, don't know if I should be worried about that or not, so right now I choose not...

The sore on the back of my head seem to be heaing, it still hurts just as much. Though it seems smaller. The bump next to it is definately smaller. SO hopefully it won't require medical attention. I still have a tooth ache, but I hate making phone calls, so nothings being done about it. Maybe I can get mom to call!!! Haha you didn't tell her not to call the dentist did you? I sure hope not, because I'm tired of it hurting, BUT not to the point I would call myself... SO we/ I will wait. Okay now I'm really dragging. I probably won't post until friday, Maybe tomorrow, don't count on it. I will be shopping black friday specials in the morning. Coputer, Ipod Touch are a few things on my list, Since no of you who read this are in town, I feel just fine telling you that ;)


Hope you all have great thanksgiving. What are you thankful or? Right now. I'm thankful that I may get to see my bestest friend this Christmas, haven't seen her in years. I'm happy. Now I must clean my computer off the couch. Haha I'll take a picture. *Gabs


P.S. I didn't spell check this. SORRY. But I'm too tired!

late

I had a lonng day at work. I fell out the window. Tripped over the broom. I'm kinda wacked out right now so if some of this doesn't make sense, sorry. I hope its okay.

Sorry I'm getting this up so late. Busy day. SO Debi is the winner of the comment contest. :). If she will I would love her to do a guest post, about anything she wants. ... If she will. I do love her, I love her input, I love how she always makes me feel better. Love it.


I so wanted to do an interesting post tonight. And I think I've come up with one. There are two people I want to blog about tonight. I think they're both great. First, Kellee Jones, http://loveandcf.blogspot.com/ she's great! I met her through my blog, now we talk everyday. Really I love all the wonderful people I've met through this. Go check out her blog. It's fun and life all mixed together. I love it.


Okay the second person I want to talk about, My all time bestest friend, Rebekah. I love her to death. We had been out of contacted for a few years but recently got back in contact. I love it. It's like we haven't lost a day. She is the sweetest person. http://theaustenite.blogspot.com/ Go check her blog out. If you go back though the posts you will see some artwork shes done. AMAZING. I can't wait to be able to see her. She's gonna draw me!!! I'm excited if you can't tell. Though if I just got to see her and she didn't draw me, I'd be just as excited!!!

Well I'm exhausted. So I'm gonna head to bed. I try to remember to take pictures of Thanksgiving and the prep there of. We'll see. Thank you for reading!!!

Bummer

Okay, today was a interesting day. I got out of bed, unfortunately, at 9. Sat and waited for my mom to finish getting ready for work so I could get in and get ready. Well she didn't get out until 940. I had to be at J's house at 10. So I hurry and get ready. Get there about 1015. We hit the road. We get to Park City about 11. Go to the theater. Its locked. Says the soonest show isn't until 215. WHAT!! The Internet said 1130!! So we drive around to find something to do for 3 hours. Lunch? That sound great. Before we can chose, her phone rings. It's the school. Her daughter had seizer. She couldn't get ahold of her husband to go get her. So we drove home. About ten miles out of town, her husband calls. He goes and picks up the girl. All of the sudden there's a highway patrol with lights flashing on our butt. So she goes to pull of. He passes. We being interested decided to follow. So we're going along, we see a firetruck, so now we're even more interested. We are now headed the other way out of town, we see a car in the ditch. All the police and firetrucks pass by, we stop. We can't tell if there is someone in it from the car so we get out. we see footprints that came from the car. So we felt comfortable leaving. As we're standing there an ambluance passes. We go a couple more miles... we see all of the emergency vehicles coming back. We'll so much for a great adventure. So we get to town. To her house. Go inside. I lose all my color. She notices. I say I'm going home to go to bed. She agrees it would be a good idea. So I come home, sleep for four hours. It was lovely. Now I'm still exhausted. I think I'm getting sick. My chest i all tight and Pleurisy seems to be back. But all in all I'm okay. I'll be getting the post with the winner up soon... Tonight or tomorrow. So if you still want t comment go ahead. *Gabby

New Moon part II

Okay, I'm going to New Moon again tomorrow. It was a good movie and I enjoy the break I get while in the theater. I have to turn my phone off, so while I love to text, all the time, the break is nice. I have to admitt that half the time, I fall asleep.I know paying $10 for a nap. Thats just silly. But it helps me.

The contest below is open tell I get home tomorrow. Please comment.

*Gabby

Putting on a face.

So this picture isn't real great. I just took it, from my phone. But I realized that I hadn't posted any recent pictures of me in a long time... So hears the most recent I have... Its "hot off the press". Or phone. Which ever!

I spent the whole day at a craft thing in town. Santa's Workshop as it's called. Its great fun. I was working at my Churches booth... Baked goods, and art things. Very cute! I'm going to do something I don't usually do... Post pictures!!! This UHM I'm not really sure what they're called. Super cute saying I guess Just fit me. So I bought it. Me having money is dangerous. Really I probably spent $60 today.

This purse, well I fell in LOVE with it and HAD to buy it. Isn't it adorable? I think so. I needed a new purse anyways. I have gotten a real one in over 2 years. I got out of the habit of carrying one when I was so sick. I usually had a bag of some kind. Either TPN or stomach tube feedings, sometimes both. So carrying one looked kinda silly. But now that I'm tube free, I'm going to carry one again. This is the winner. I bought this for my new little nephew, Peleg. Well his name is David. But I nick named him Peleg. I've called him that since he was a wee bean in his mothers womb. It's a name from the bible. It's just stuck. I call his older sisters, Sarah 7 and Emily 5, Goose and Precious(or Eminem). So he needed a name too.

This is my nephew Drew7 months, and Peleg 12 days. He was all about giving the baby kisses, it was so cute! But do you think he would even consider giving me a kiss? NO!!! Such a stinker. He is all over the place. He crawls, pulls himself up, has 4-6 teeth, eats mostly table food. He is the chunkiest baby! He is probably 25lbs, he hangs over both ends of his infant carrier. Seriously huge. But I Love him SOOOO much. Sorry this is sideways!!! My computer still isn't working great so I can't access my photo editor and this is how it came out. I was so excited. This was my first time "babywearing"! I LOVED IT. Seriously. He's a big baby and I didn't even feel like I was holding him. It was great!!!

So it's getting close to Thanksgiving. I know I have a lot to be thankful for. But right now, I'm not feeling it. So what are you thankful for, please leave me comment telling me! Help me get in the spirit! I do love Thanksgiving though. I just love to eat! Go on an ice chip diet for a few months, you learn to love ALL food. Don't get me wrong, there's still foods I don't care for, but I'll eat anything. It's truly a miracle that I'm able to eat at all. They(the DRS) didn't expect me to ever be able to eat again. So this soon. Miracle!!! But no matter how much I eat, I'm still losing weight. Might just be my body stabilizing out. As all of what I've gained is TPN forced weight. But My eating goes up and down too. Some days, not that's not right, ALL days, I don't really feel like eating, not feel like as in not hungry, I still want food. Some days I'm able to get a LOT of calories down. Others, I'm doing good if I get a half a cheese burger down. When I say cheese burger I mean the single patty one from McDonald's. The smallest one they have... So in that area I'm struggling right now. Any extra prayers you could send up for me would be appreciated....

Lately, as I think I mentioned to you the other day, my mood has also been struggling. I understand that all days won't be peachy, but having so many "down" days just makes me feel even worse. I've been sleeping even less the the usual 3-5 hours. So I've been taking sleep aids. Which don't really help, they just make me groggy, which is better then laying in bed wide awake. So I will continue to take them, maybe they'll start working, who knows...

So my eating's been crazy. My mood has been low. My weight is dropping. My "boyfriend" is 1,000's of miles away. I have a toothache. Stomach pain. Resentful feelings towards people that were buried during surgery-recovery, are coming out. My work schedule, well its awful. And somehow, I need to find a thankful spirit? Okay, really, HELP ME HERE. I need it.

"The Life Pursuit" What do you do when hope is all but gone? You need a brother to lean on But your brother's gone Your sister's in the wrong part of town I took a walk to remember ecstasy It's not today, not even yesterday Songs of praise all very well Their voices swell They tug at sadness Like love tugging at your sleeve Is it worth the pain To walk into the void again? In your darkest hour he is the tiniest light Light that's found beyond your present situation And it's wide and it's broad, beyond all estimation Is your belly fat, is your man a? Do in-growing hairs provide you with strange fascination? The highlight of your day is plucking all the roots away You took a walk to remember ecstasy It's not today, not even yesterday In your darkest hour he is the tiniest light The smallest of sparks He's a tinderbox, he's a flaming torch Pinch your self quite hard, in a place that hurts If it doesn't work, ask your friend to comply And if they hit the spot You can let yourself cry And when the teardrops stop, I will take you for a drive I'll explain all I know about the spiritual side Life that's found beyond your present situation And it's wide and it's broad, beyond all estimation

That song has so much meaning to me right now. Odd. But that's okay, I'm not known for being "normal" whatever that is.

So other then, well everything that's going on, "I'm fine". I'll "get over it". I'll put on my "grown up pants". I'll "move on". BUT while I do all that. I will blog. Sometimes it won't be "pretty". Sometimes you won't like it. But as it is with sport- "what makes a true fan is following them through their off seasons too". While you may not be "fans" That statement still has so much truth, just because I may have some down times, you may not like my post, don't stop reading. One day, I'll be winning again!

Okay now that this has become my longest post EVER, I'll be done. I feel like I should do something. I don't have anything to give away. So while this isn't a great honor like it might be on other blogs, the person who's comment touches me the most, I'll post on the blog, hey maybe I'll even let you do a guest post! Wouldn't that be exciting, you get to be heard by the whole 11 followers! But then again, they are the most WONDERFUL followers I could ask for! Considering most of you have your own blogs, its not that great. But it's all I can do right now. So leave me a comment, say something touching, leave your email address. I'll figure something out. This will end sometime Monday. So hurry up and comment!!! Okay turning off now! Have a good night! *Gabby

New Moon...

... Anyone else going to New Moon tonight? Or have you already been?
I really did NOT enjoy the book!! But I wanted to see how they did on the movie. So I'm going. We'll see how it turns out. It's going to be crazy, I'm sure. So now I'm off to do my hair and get dressed! Maybe I'll post on the movie after I get home. We'll see. *Gabby

I love this picture. Its almost 2 years old. But honestly its a great picture. It shows how fun and happy go lucky I used to be. I mean seriously... I'm wearing a Detroit Red Wings hoodie, a McDonalds tie, a Suit jacket and some stellar shades. All while eating at Pizza Hut. Who goes out like that anymore? Well actually I do!! Only now its fake mustaches to the movies. with Courtney. Good times. Good times. I miss those absolutely pointless times where we had the time of our life doing absolutely nothing. Like prank phone calling people. That was great.

Sorry for all the short posts tonight. I'm trying to lift my spirits and there is not much more to do.
I'm watching NCIS. Already saw this one so its rather boring. But mom hasn't... So here we are watching it. ...

I'm about ready for bed. But not quite. I know the earlier I hit the sack, the earlier I wake up. So I will stay up tell 11 and hope to sleep straight until 4 or 5. Then it will be up on and off until 9. But it most likely won't happen like that. I will probably be up tell 1 and then up at 4. It makes a very grumpy Gabby. Really. Can you imagine me grumpy? Its not a pretty picture. That's why I take a nap in the middle of the day. I can't make it the whole day most of the time. Every once in a while I can do it. As long as I keep busy I do okay.

I have an awful toothache. ... Its making me miserable. Really, stomach pain, tooth pain. They don't mix well. Hoping to find a dentist that will take my insurance. Its not a likely situation. SO if it doesn't go away by Monday I will be at the dentist regardless of insurance.

Okay, so there's only a handful of things that make me tick. But one is someone else using my bath towel. And tonight, I get out of the shower, grab my towel, and its wet! EWW!! So Gross. I freaked out. Threw it on the floor. I can't stand that. That's like wearing someone Else's dirty underwear. Seriously GROSS!!! Sorry. Just had to get that out!!!

So now I will head to bed. With some pain meds and a hot pack. Hope to sleep More then three hours. Hmm I just realized I have some sleeping pills in he cupboard. Maybe I'll take one. See how it turns out.

Oh BTW I am sitting on the couch with my computer on my lap. Seriously that's exciting for me. The screen hadn't worked in months and randomly the other day it started working. Still blacks out at times. But comes back if I restart it. I still plan on getting a new one because it only runs in safe mode. Which doesn't allow me to do much. But until I get a new one, I am more then happy to use this one. Have a good night. *Gabs

Wove, true wove,

I love my readers. Really a love. I love that you all listen to me. I love that you're interested in my life. I love that you care. I love it. REally love it. Thankyou all so much!

A quick breath.

Deep breath, in, out. Feel better? I don't. Breathing DOES NOT fix everything. Everyone tells me it will. But it doesn't. I've had a rotten day. Feel just plum sad. I'm rather moody lately. I don't deal with stuff real well. Very snappy. I need a break. A few days to not worry about anything. Some time to think. Some time to rest. To have nice fellowship with someone who cares about me. But thats just a wish. I have no where to go. I'm a homebody. The only place I stay besides home, is the hospital. And to be honest, that would be a break, but I don't feel like being poked all the time so I think I'll stay away from there. I'm feeling down tonight. Not the lowest I've ever been. But lower then I've been in awhile. *Gabby

Annoyed!

So mom got a new computer! Great! I was going to post some pictures. Not so great. Can't get the silly thing to upload them!. So I guess I won't.

Okay, to be completely honest, I'm a mess right now. I'm in quite a bit of pain. Which I can usually deal with, IF I can sleep. But I just got home a little bit ago so that wasn't an option.
But really that's not whats bothering me. One of my "good" friends mom had brain surgery yesterday, I find out after that fact. Why does it always happen like that? I would much rather be in the loop so I can help during, then find out after its all over with. She was like a second mom to me. But instead I find out after, And feel completely useless. Story of my life.

Should knowing that someone else has it worse then me make me feel better? Because it doesn't. It actually makes me feel worse. Knowing that its not just me suffering, but that someone is actually hurting more then me. It's an awful feeling. I don't like to be in pain so why should I feel better knowing that someone else is in pain? Doesn't make sense to me.

I'm a very sensitive person. I don't show it very often. I put on this front, one that says I don't really care about much, mainly because I know if I let myself show that I care, I won't be able to hold back the tears. When I was in the treatment center back in August, I think I cried for like 6 days straight. I felt awful that whole time. But I couldn't hold it together any longer. I felt like I had failed everyone in my life. Even the blog world. Because I knew that there was people in worse situations that were holding together just fine. But I couldn't. Made me feel worse.

Well you got my heart tonight. Maybe tomorrow I'll give the story of "Tho Girl Who Cared" I don't work. So I should be able to!

Now I'm going to take a long hot bath. It will take away the french fry smell and hopefully help my tummy! Goodnight*Gabby

Tonight

Tonight, I'm feeling open. So for a few minutes I will write whats on my mind. Well first off, I cut myself again :(. my hands are awfully sore. I'm allergic to bandaids. So putting them on the cuts would just make them worse.



Stupid depression commercial just came on. I'm really not loving how often they come on. So now I'm annoyed.... But I will move on and continue to write.



I've been feeling, well I don't really have an exact word for what I've been feeling. Good for the most part. But I have moments of extreem sadness. Moments where all I want to do is curl up and cry. Moments where I don't feel like I can hold it together any longer. But somehow, I manage to get through those moments. I move on, the world keeps spinning. Or at least it feels like is spinning. I'm standing still and eveyone else is carrying on.



I'm chatting with Troy, its amazing. I miss him so much. I can't wait tell he comes home in April.

I'm tired and don't feel like blogging anymore. Maybe tomorrow! *Gabby

Not yet..

I have something on my mind, grinding at my heart. Just making me a grumpy person. But I'm not ready to let it out on here. I'm not ready to tell the world(or like 12 followers) how stupidly I acted. How freely I cared. Who I even shed tears over. Not yet.

I will however share how clumsy I've been the last week. Monday- slammed my foot in the car door. Tuesday-fell UP the stairs and hurt my knee. Friday- walking through the store, realize my hand is wet look down to see my hand is bleeding. Today- CUT my finger on a salt pack, burnt my finger in the fry grease. Slammed my elbow in between the ketchup box and the counter... Wow I need to just stay in bed.

I'm having a lot of stomach pain, have all day. Work was awful. I was in drive thru most of the night and bending out the window was horrid! Now I plan on going to bed. One of these days, when I get a new computer, I will post on something with more meaning then how I managed to hurt myself. But until then. Enjoy the little things!*Gabby.

not tonight

Tonight, I'm not so great.
I cared, now I feel stupid.
Now, I'm going to bed.
I'll blog, when I have time.

Isn't he just precious? This is my newest nephew. David Alexander Hutchison. He was born yesterday morning. 5lbs 10oz! Just a tiny little thing. He was almost a month early and had some breathing troubles at first but is doing perfect now! I have his two older sisters and let me tell you they are wearing me out! Have a good day!! *Gabby

NOT AGAIN!!

Its way too early to be awake!!! This better not become a habit! Maybe if the other kids will let me, when the boys leave for school, I will snooze a bit on the couch. We'll see.... I'm too tired to say much of anything that will make sense, I hardly slept at all. SO I'm not even gonna try. Have a nice day!*Gabby

AH MEN

Its 7:56am. I'm awake. Waiting for the school bus. When it comes, I will be going back to bed. Hopefully I will sleep very nicely. Unlike last night. I was up until 1 and then every hour after that. My stomach pain seems to be getting worse and more frequent. It's not just "gas" like I keep being told. But what do I know? It's only my body.

Troy is on leave. He didn't come here. He went to Canada to see his family. Been texting him. A lot actually. Had a very uhm... "Interesting" Conversation with him last night. Lets just say it did not go well for him. The Icon at the top pretty much says how I'm feeling about him right now. Men. AH.

Well there went to school bus. Yay. Back to bed! Maybe I'll post about something "deeper" later. If I have it in me. *Gabby

This is Bobbi, this was taken on my 16th birthday.
Bobbi and I USED to be GREAT friends.
And I mean GREAT friends. we were inseparable that summer.
We had So much fun. Doing what teenaged girls do.
WE walked ALL over town.
Since we live in such a small town it was okay.
We even had our own language.
Seriously I've never had more fun then the fun I USED to have with Bobbi
One day Bobbi decided I was no longer "GOOD" enough to be her friend
Seriously. Who does that?



Okay so I have to be honest. I only posted this to try to get me out
of this "pity party". And it kinda worked.
Now I need to go finish cleaning.
Doesn't that sound like fun?
Mom is gone for the night. AGAIN!
Its really getting old.
But whatever makes her happy!
Maybe I'll post again later
As I have a topic to talk about.
*Gabby

When the world falls down

When the world falls down, life as we know it, just freezes. At least your part of the world. Everyone around you seems to be living as normal, but you can't understand it. In the midst of the trouble you are fine really. You're in survival mode and don't really think, you just do. But then when it's all over, and life starts to move again, you don't know how to react. You don't really want to react. You want your life back the way it was before, but you know that will never happen. There's too many scars, physical and mental. Slowly, you find a new way of life. Nothing feels right. Some days it hurts to live. But somehow, you find a way through. You may fall down and need to be carried through parts of the tangled mess called life. But there are people around willing to do that.

Today, I'm feeling sad. Don't really have a reason. Just sad. But tomorrow is a new day. Maybe I'll feel better. *Gabby

Sunshine

I woke up this morning, a little earlier then I had hoped, and was just annoyed with life. Annoyed that I was awake. Annoyed at the 2 little boys who woke me by being noisy. Annoyed that I had things to do today. Just annoyed with everything. I was in pain and would have loved to stay in bed. But instead I got up. Took my medicine. Ate some oatmeal and a banana. All while texting. Of course. What do I not do while texting? And a good friend pointed out that there was sunshine. Oh how I've missed the sunshine. So at that point my day started to look up. So I got dressed and started my day. I went to the college. Though I didn't really want to. I went. I had been approved for some pel grants and needed to get everything in order for me to start in the spring. So here I am at the college having no idea what I'm doing or what classes I want to take. Working myself up, on the inside, when again I notice the sunshine. I was able to tell myself to not freak out. I got my letter sent off the accept the grant then got in to see the guy who helps students with their schedules. Normally you have to make an appointment but I just happened to be there at the right time and got in today. So I'm taking a full load, not by choice. I have to to have insurance. But it'll be okay. I'll have classes Tuesday-Thursday and 1 online class. Now I'm actually kinda excited. I'm taking-Computer Information Systems- Beginning Algebra-General Psychology- and online Introduction to online learning. Only taking the last one because I needed one more credit. But it'll be fun. Then I went to Wal-Mart because I needed socks. I hate never having clean socks. And then to Smiths to check on a med the the insurance isn't wanting to pay. And now I'm home for a minute before I head to lunch with mo. It'll be great. I need to go check on my computer because I'm going crazy with out it! *Gabs