Saturday, November 21, 2009

Putting on a face.

So this picture isn't real great. I just took it, from my phone. But I realized that I hadn't posted any recent pictures of me in a long time... So hears the most recent I have... Its "hot off the press". Or phone. Which ever!

I spent the whole day at a craft thing in town. Santa's Workshop as it's called. Its great fun. I was working at my Churches booth... Baked goods, and art things. Very cute! I'm going to do something I don't usually do... Post pictures!!! This UHM I'm not really sure what they're called. Super cute saying I guess Just fit me. So I bought it. Me having money is dangerous. Really I probably spent $60 today.
This purse, well I fell in LOVE with it and HAD to buy it. Isn't it adorable? I think so. I needed a new purse anyways. I have gotten a real one in over 2 years. I got out of the habit of carrying one when I was so sick. I usually had a bag of some kind. Either TPN or stomach tube feedings, sometimes both. So carrying one looked kinda silly. But now that I'm tube free, I'm going to carry one again. This is the winner. I bought this for my new little nephew, Peleg. Well his name is David. But I nick named him Peleg. I've called him that since he was a wee bean in his mothers womb. It's a name from the bible. It's just stuck. I call his older sisters, Sarah 7 and Emily 5, Goose and Precious(or Eminem). So he needed a name too.

This is my nephew Drew7 months, and Peleg 12 days. He was all about giving the baby kisses, it was so cute! But do you think he would even consider giving me a kiss? NO!!! Such a stinker. He is all over the place. He crawls, pulls himself up, has 4-6 teeth, eats mostly table food. He is the chunkiest baby! He is probably 25lbs, he hangs over both ends of his infant carrier. Seriously huge. But I Love him SOOOO much. Sorry this is sideways!!! My computer still isn't working great so I can't access my photo editor and this is how it came out. I was so excited. This was my first time "babywearing"! I LOVED IT. Seriously. He's a big baby and I didn't even feel like I was holding him. It was great!!!

So it's getting close to Thanksgiving. I know I have a lot to be thankful for. But right now, I'm not feeling it. So what are you thankful for, please leave me comment telling me! Help me get in the spirit! I do love Thanksgiving though. I just love to eat! Go on an ice chip diet for a few months, you learn to love ALL food. Don't get me wrong, there's still foods I don't care for, but I'll eat anything. It's truly a miracle that I'm able to eat at all. They(the DRS) didn't expect me to ever be able to eat again. So this soon. Miracle!!! But no matter how much I eat, I'm still losing weight. Might just be my body stabilizing out. As all of what I've gained is TPN forced weight. But My eating goes up and down too. Some days, not that's not right, ALL days, I don't really feel like eating, not feel like as in not hungry, I still want food. Some days I'm able to get a LOT of calories down. Others, I'm doing good if I get a half a cheese burger down. When I say cheese burger I mean the single patty one from McDonald's. The smallest one they have... So in that area I'm struggling right now. Any extra prayers you could send up for me would be appreciated....

Lately, as I think I mentioned to you the other day, my mood has also been struggling. I understand that all days won't be peachy, but having so many "down" days just makes me feel even worse. I've been sleeping even less the the usual 3-5 hours. So I've been taking sleep aids. Which don't really help, they just make me groggy, which is better then laying in bed wide awake. So I will continue to take them, maybe they'll start working, who knows...

So my eating's been crazy. My mood has been low. My weight is dropping. My "boyfriend" is 1,000's of miles away. I have a toothache. Stomach pain. Resentful feelings towards people that were buried during surgery-recovery, are coming out. My work schedule, well its awful. And somehow, I need to find a thankful spirit? Okay, really, HELP ME HERE. I need it.

"The Life Pursuit" What do you do when hope is all but gone? You need a brother to lean on But your brother's gone Your sister's in the wrong part of town I took a walk to remember ecstasy It's not today, not even yesterday Songs of praise all very well Their voices swell They tug at sadness Like love tugging at your sleeve Is it worth the pain To walk into the void again? In your darkest hour he is the tiniest light Light that's found beyond your present situation And it's wide and it's broad, beyond all estimation Is your belly fat, is your man a? Do in-growing hairs provide you with strange fascination? The highlight of your day is plucking all the roots away You took a walk to remember ecstasy It's not today, not even yesterday In your darkest hour he is the tiniest light The smallest of sparks He's a tinderbox, he's a flaming torch Pinch your self quite hard, in a place that hurts If it doesn't work, ask your friend to comply And if they hit the spot You can let yourself cry And when the teardrops stop, I will take you for a drive I'll explain all I know about the spiritual side Life that's found beyond your present situation And it's wide and it's broad, beyond all estimation

That song has so much meaning to me right now. Odd. But that's okay, I'm not known for being "normal" whatever that is.

So other then, well everything that's going on, "I'm fine". I'll "get over it". I'll put on my "grown up pants". I'll "move on". BUT while I do all that. I will blog. Sometimes it won't be "pretty". Sometimes you won't like it. But as it is with sport- "what makes a true fan is following them through their off seasons too". While you may not be "fans" That statement still has so much truth, just because I may have some down times, you may not like my post, don't stop reading. One day, I'll be winning again!

Okay now that this has become my longest post EVER, I'll be done. I feel like I should do something. I don't have anything to give away. So while this isn't a great honor like it might be on other blogs, the person who's comment touches me the most, I'll post on the blog, hey maybe I'll even let you do a guest post! Wouldn't that be exciting, you get to be heard by the whole 11 followers! But then again, they are the most WONDERFUL followers I could ask for! Considering most of you have your own blogs, its not that great. But it's all I can do right now. So leave me a comment, say something touching, leave your email address. I'll figure something out. This will end sometime Monday. So hurry up and comment!!! Okay turning off now! Have a good night! *Gabby


Sara said...

I'm not sure I've ever commented before, well maybe once. But I always read. =) I noticed you have talked alot about moods lately and I just want to say, Hang in there! Mood swings are not fun. Trust me, in the last few weeks I have realized that my antidepressants aren't really working anymore. So I totally understand.

Debi said...

I made dessert over the weekend for a big potluck, and was really thankful for pumpkin that comes in a can.

I am thankful for cycles that show the passage of time -- day and night, the seasons, phases of the moon, annual holidays, pretty much all of them -- and remind me tomorrow is another day.

I am thankful for a little variety in life.

I am thankful for my family.

I am thankful for a house that we can keep warm even in the middle of winter.

I am thankful for smidgens of hope in the dark.

I am thankful for snowfalls that are pretty as the snow falls then melts before making life really difficult.

I am thankful for an unexpectedly encouraging conversation today with an amazingly resilient veteran.