Wednesday, November 18, 2009


So mom got a new computer! Great! I was going to post some pictures. Not so great. Can't get the silly thing to upload them!. So I guess I won't.

Okay, to be completely honest, I'm a mess right now. I'm in quite a bit of pain. Which I can usually deal with, IF I can sleep. But I just got home a little bit ago so that wasn't an option.
But really that's not whats bothering me. One of my "good" friends mom had brain surgery yesterday, I find out after that fact. Why does it always happen like that? I would much rather be in the loop so I can help during, then find out after its all over with. She was like a second mom to me. But instead I find out after, And feel completely useless. Story of my life.

Should knowing that someone else has it worse then me make me feel better? Because it doesn't. It actually makes me feel worse. Knowing that its not just me suffering, but that someone is actually hurting more then me. It's an awful feeling. I don't like to be in pain so why should I feel better knowing that someone else is in pain? Doesn't make sense to me.

I'm a very sensitive person. I don't show it very often. I put on this front, one that says I don't really care about much, mainly because I know if I let myself show that I care, I won't be able to hold back the tears. When I was in the treatment center back in August, I think I cried for like 6 days straight. I felt awful that whole time. But I couldn't hold it together any longer. I felt like I had failed everyone in my life. Even the blog world. Because I knew that there was people in worse situations that were holding together just fine. But I couldn't. Made me feel worse.

Well you got my heart tonight. Maybe tomorrow I'll give the story of "Tho Girl Who Cared" I don't work. So I should be able to!

Now I'm going to take a long hot bath. It will take away the french fry smell and hopefully help my tummy! Goodnight*Gabby

1 comment:

Nicole said...

everyone is different. u can only take what you can take. dont beat yourself up SO MUCH. sheesh...