Okay, here is my vent post of the day. I've been trying to mainly keep this happy stuff. But tonight I'm falling apart. I think partly its because I've been up for almost 36 hours straight. When I'm really tired I get really emotional. So I'm sorry. If you're not in the mood for a down post tonight, don't rread. But really, don't leave a comment that will make things worse for me. If you would like to leave some sweet words, please do. I love to get comments.
Tonight, I'm frustrated. Why? Because my favorite holiday was yesterday, I didn't get to enjoy it. I wanted to. But couldn't. Let me explain. It wasn't because I have nothing to be thankful for. Because I do. Not because my mother didn't make it magical. She did. But because I'm going down hill. I hardly eat any more. SO dinner, well I spent most of it trying not to dry heave. Not enjoyable. I really do know that food is not the point of Thanksgiving. But It's my favorite part. I know it could be worse. I know all of these things. But that doesn't make me feel any better.
Because I never feel like eating, I'm losing weight. I'm no where near as small as I was last winter. But Non-the-less, I'm losing. I'm having horrible cravings. For odd things. yesterday at dinner all I could think about was pickles and potato chips. Really? Why? I just wanted to enjoy a delish meal, thats all. Tonight, there's a fridge full of yummy leftovers(only leftovers I eat are thanksgiving), and all I wanted was pizza rolls with queso sauce on them. I took a picture, but haven't figured out that part of my computer yet. I've eaten 4 of the little rolls, and thats pretty much my food for the day. I'm frustrated, frustrated that this is supposed to be fixed and its not. I'm so tired of being told to deep breathe. Really next person who says that to me might just see me lose it.
I'm having a lot more stomach pain. I don't really have much to say about that, I don't know what it is. It just hurts. ....
Okay, this probably isn't my last vent post of the night. But I need a break. SO this one is ending.*Gabby