Friday, June 4, 2010

Does anybody hear her

Does anybody hear her
Can anybody see
Does anybody even know she's going down today

I'm okay.
As in the sense of the word
I'm OH gosh this is hard
I'm KAY? Are you sure about this

There is all of the sudden a guy in this picture. Not just any guy. Maybe, the guy?... I haven't even met him, what am I saying. But, he is a real guy. Not that any of my guys have be fake. In the sense of the word. They all existed physically. Some not anymore. 8( But they were all, really who they were pretending to be. This guy, well he doesn't seem that way.

He is in Bible College. Studying to be a Pastor. He want to travel with that special person and plant Churches. He wears crazy clothes and big sunglasses. He has diabetes. His favorite soda is diet coke. He wants kids, just not now... It's just good.

I'm scared. This is real. I'm real, he is real. It's all real.

*subject change*

I want to crawl inside myself and hide for awhile. But I know if I do I won't come back out. Which, wouldn't be good. I'm so confused about everything. I know the comment are all in kindness about how I just need to move on, I get that. I know I do. And not in the sense that I am being dramatic and just need to let it go. But more in the sense that it controls my life and I need to take it back. But you see, It's not that easy. Not at all. Not really because I don't want it. But because, I can say all I want to my mind. Rationalize everything. But my body still remembers. My body can't just be talked into something by rationalism.

1 comment:

Nicole said...

sometimes we keep what disables us because its all we know...nothing worth doing is easy.