Saturday, June 26, 2010

Giving Some...?

This is getting ridiculous.
He wants me to sacrifice things for him.
The only thing keeping me from him is my health issues.
How do I give up that?
It's not a choice.
It's not a hobby.
It's just what is.
The sky is blue.
The grass is, usually, green.
I don't ask him to change that.
I don't ask him to change anything, actually.

Well, they're complicated.
They're confusing.
They're emotional.

There are many things he wants me to change.
Am I not good enough?
Can he not learn to love me for who I am now?
Why do I have to change?

I'm not perfect.
I'm not even close.
I am willing to change the things I can for him.
I wish I could change the things I can't.
But him asking me to.
It doesn't feel okay.
Him saying I should be willing to go out even when I feel like crap.
It's not okay.
I always feel bad.
When it gets to the point that I stay home.
It's really bad.
I don't like feeling guilty,
for something I can't control.

I like him.
A lot.
I do.
Is it worth this?
Is he worth this?

He says he wants my complete trust.
I say,
I've not known you a month yet.
Give it time.
Give me time.
He doesn't understand that.
He thinks I should be able to depend on him for everything.
Leaving my life behind.
Well, babe.
You aren't God.
You will make mistakes.
I will be hurt.

Do I risk it?

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