Retreat, it isn't always a bad thing. Sometime you have to retreat, reform, and renew before you can fight again. That's how I've been feeling lately. Like I need to retreat. I need to reform my army before I can win this battle. But how do I do that? How do I get back to the point where I feel like one day I will win this?
I know there's not five easy steps to get through this. I know that really, in the end, it's me that has to win. But right now, I need support. I need prayer. I need you. I need a lot, I know. I'm not one that's normally asks for help with things like this. I normally just keep pushing it back inside me every time it pops up. But today I can't do that.
I've been in horrible pain for 5 days. As you can only imagine I'm getting to be pretty grumpy.
I took a 3 hours nap today. It wasn't a deep sleep. But my sleep never is. The slightest sound or movement wakes me up. So being in need of some real sleep doesn't help the way I'm feeling. I'm cold. Yes my window is open. No I don't feel I should close it. Yes I understand why I'm cold. But that all doesn't change the fact that I am cold. So I will turn on my electric blanket and try not to think about it.
Which brings me to address the question you all are thinking. WHY IS THE WINDOW OPEN?? Well you see. When I sleep, I need cold air. If I'm in a room that's stuffy it sends me into flashback of the hospital. So instead of dealing with that all the time, I choose to have the window open. Make sense?
Well I'm falling asleep as I write this. SO I guess I will end it!*Gabby